Last Updated December 6, 2003
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Prerequisites to be a Creationist
This essay outlines the basic requirements to be a Creationist, specifically, one of the self-righteous ones that believe that Creationism has a place in public schools. It is presented in a somewhat humorous fashion, but what it says is entirely true. I must maintain that I hold all Creationists who think that Creationism should be taught alongside or instead of evolution in schools in very low regard. I don't have a problem with Creationists that just admit that their beliefs are totally faith-based and have no grounding in logic or science.
You must, without question or exception, be completely ignorant of science, logic and real life, in general, to be a Creationist. Every "argument" a Creationist puts forth to "disprove" Evolutionary Theory is nothing more than a mangling of pseudo-science, outright lies, logical fallacies, exaggerations and misinformation. They also rely on the same, recycled, refuted arguments. There has not been one new Creationist argument recently put forth. It's still attacking radiometric dating with the abhorrent notion that decay rates vary, and it's still lying about the Law of Entropy to make it seem as if it makes evolution impossible. Nothing has changed.
You must be completely dishonest to purport Creationist arguments. Creationists routinely lie about thermodynamics, radiometric dating, Evolutionary Theory, science, scientists and general scientific concepts.
3. INEXCUSABLE INCOMPETENCE
It's not lying if you think it's the truth. Many Creationists actually believe that the Second Law of Thermodynamics refutes Evolutionary Theory. This is simply stupidity, and it is totally inexcusable. Anytime someone who doesn't have a legitimate authority in science tells you that scientists are wrong because of whatever reason, you'd better check up on it before just blindly accepting it as fact. The fact that so many have been taken in by Creationist pseudo-science and lies is testament to intellectual laziness. It is also a testament to the scientific education of the general populace.
4. FERVENTLY RELIGIOUS LUNACISM
If you believe that the Bible is correct about the creation of the Universe, then you must believe that it is completely literal, as no contextualist would ever interpret a story which contradicts physical evidence and is contradicted by another story in the same book, in the same section.
5. RELIGIOUS BIGOTRY
If you believe that the Bible is to be interpreted literally, then you believe that all other religions are wrong, and that all of their followers will forever be tortured in the afterlife. Consequently, you also must believe that it is your duty, as a Christian, to seek out and destroy all these other religions' sacred objects and defile their practices. Anyone who interprets the Bible literally must also accept that racism, slavery and sexism are all the will of God. See the Organized Religion section for details.
6. DISBELIEF IN HUMAN RIGHTS
The Bible makes it clear that humans have no rights. No one has the right to practice their own religion (except Christianity and Judaism) without punishment, and no one is allowed to say what they want to say without retribution. To do so violates some of the Ten Commandments.
7. ANTI-DEMOCRATIC/PRO-THEOCRACY MINDSET
The Bible makes it clear that a democracy based on the will of the people is not God's preferred government. Rather, the best government is a dictatorship, enforced with terrorism, mass-homocide and "Big Brother" tactics (i.e. "God knows everything that you do").
8. BELIEF THAT GOD IS THE ARBITER OF MORALITY
The Bible purports the massively-flawed belief that God is infallible. Even though God has been convinced to change his mind repeatedly by human beings in the Bible, he is still incapable of doing wrong. This belief only reinforces the belief that humans have no rights, as we are under the watchful eye of God, who will severely punish us for minor infractions.
9. BELIEF THAT ALL BRANCHES OF SCIENCE ARE CONSPIRING TO COVER UP "THE TRUTH" OF CREATIONISM
In order to be a Creationist, you must believe that scientists are untrustworthy servants of the devil, whose agenda is to distort facts and make it seem as if Evolution is the truth, when, in reality, they're not telling us about the volumes of "facts" that the Creationists do. Scientists want everyone to believe that the Universe was caused by random chance, that there is no God, and life has no meaning (because, Evolution obviously necessitates all of these things). All branches of science that give evidence for an ancient Earth are just flunkies for the Evolutionists. Astrophysics, geology, physics, astronomy...none are credible branches of science, only beams in the support structure of Evolution.
10. OVERALL, GENERALIZED STUPIDITY
If you're a Creationist, you're an idiot. I don't care if you're the nicest person on Earth, have a doctorate in astrophysics, or stumped Stephen Hawking on general physics. The complete dismissal of so many branches of science, scientists' credibility, evidence in addition to the intellectual laziness and fervent religious bigotry that come with being a Creationist makes one a complete idiot. This is one blanket statement that I am not afraid to make, because it is true. If you find a religiously-tolerant Creationist, you've found a hypocrite. The person in question would accept the Bible as literal truth on a scientific level, but would be ignoring the commandments of racism, religious intolerance and persecution that God handed down to the Israelites.