Subject: [FICTION] The Knight and the Gatekeeper Date: Fri, 23 Nov 2001 17:19:44 -0600 From: "Chuck" Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars Today I got locked out of the network at work for most of the day. Since that's not very entertaining I decided to write a story about it. I hope you like it. The Knight and the Gatekeeper Once upon a time in a cold, cold land, a handsome knight clad in shining denim was summoned to the great castle to appear before the king. He approached the gate on the back of his noble steed. "Who goes there?" cried the gatekeeper. "It is I, Sir Warren, protector of the land and servant of his majesty." With the sound of trumpets the portcullis was raised, and the knight did enter. But before he even had the chance to dismount a group of bandits rode over the hill. With nary a thought he turned and rode through the closing gate, brandishing his sword. The sight of the knight and the castle archers filled the bandits with terror, and they fled, every last man. The knight sheathed his sword and returned triumphantly to the castle. "Who goes there?" cried the gatekeeper. "It is I, Sir Warren, protector of the land and servant to his majesty." "Verily I cannot admit you," the gatekeeper said, "for thou art already inside the castle." "Such a thing cannot be," the knight replied, "for I am out here." "By your leave, I must disagree," the gatekeeper said, "for Sir Warren did not announce his exit. Therefore you cannot be him." "See here this shield," the knight said, holding it forth. "'Tis marked with my coat of arms. Surely it is apparent that I am who I say." "Thou doest indeed have the visage of Sir Warren," the gatekeeper said. "And thy shield bears the unique coat of arms of that knight. Nevertheless thou cannot be he, for he has already passed through this gate." "I did," the knight announced. "But circumstances did force me to leave without announcing it." "I am afraid that cannot be, for Sir Warren is already inside." "Fie, for I shall thump thy skull if thou doest not admit me through yonder gate!" "Who goes there?" the gatekeeper asked. "Sir Warren!" the knight cried. "I do not recognize that title," the gatekeeper replied. "Sir Warren," the knight shouted, "protector of the land and servant of his majesty!" "Impossible, for he has already passed through these gates." "I have told thee that I am he!" the knight answered. "Art thou having trouble gaining admittance through yonder gate?" asked an archer on the battlement. "Ho, yes," said the knight, "for the gatekeeper is slow of wit." "Verily," the archer replied. "If thou doest leave for a time, perhaps the gatekeeper will forget and admit thee when thou returns." "That is foolishness," the knight replied, "but I must do something to deal with this oaf." And thus the knight turned and rode off, only to return later. The slow-witted gatekeeper, however, still did not admit the knight, so he dismounted his horse and composed an ode of how he would run a lodestone over the gatekeeper. "Ho, good Sir Warren," came a cry, and the knight looked to the newly arrived warrior on horseback. "Greetings, Duke," the knight replied, pausing in his ode to the death of all gatekeepers. "Good knight, I haveth thee a project." "But I can hardly sit in my saddle from the last project," the knight replied. "Besides, I already have a quest for the king." "Ah," the duke replied, "but since the gatekeeper will not admit thee, thou be-ist free to go on my quest." The knight could not argue, for he wondered whether "be-ist" was hyphenated, or even a real word. "Thou must go and visit with the sourceror Gutenburg, and thou shalt make copies." "My lord," the knight replied, "is there not someone else who can journey on this quest?" "Nay, for I have already sent Lady Gail to do some light filing." "My lord, is filing not an anachronism?" "Silence, lest I banish thee to be a lowly proofreader!" The knight did not answer, for he did not with to become a serf. "Goeth now and maketh copies." And so the knight didst go off to make copes, and when he returned he tried again to pass through the gate, but still was denied entrance. And thus, with nary a hope in sight, he sat and waited. Finally the duke returned, albeit with grave news. "When thou left through the gate, did the portcullis come to Earth with the sound of thunder?" "Yes," the knight answered. "It is as I feared. The gate has crashed. Thou cannot pass through, for I believe the gatekeeper has been bewitched." "Are there not IT witchdoctors who may help?" "Nay, for they are as confounded as we." And the knight was left outside the gate. While he idly passed the time he helped the Lady Gail translate ancient and nearly indecipherable runes. Finally, the demons of madness driven from the gatekeeper, the gate was opened and the knight admitted in. And behold there was rejoicing throughout the land as quests were announced and the golden minesweeper was cast opened, and it was good. (c) 2001 -- Chuck http://www.sfdebris.com