Subject: [OT][HUMOR] Simpsons' Election Special Date: Tue, 21 Nov 2000 22:11:16 -0600 From: "Chuck" Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars Scenes from the Simpson's Election Special [Scene 3] Homer [walks up to Voting Official]: Good afternoon my good man. I'll take your finest booth. [stuffs envelope in official's pocket] Official: Sir, first of all, you don't need to tip me. And second, this is a coupon for a free car wash with any Lube Job. Homer: Don't spend it all in one place. Official: *sigh* Anyway, here's your ballot. Just poke the hole for your candidate. Homer: Hey, what do I look like, an idiot. [grabs ballot, goes in and pulls curtain] Homer: Now let's see. Time to vote for Gore. Ah here he is [pokes Buchanan hole] D'oh! Homer: [popping head out through curtain] Um, excuse me, but can I have another ballot? Official: Did you make a mistake? Homer: Um... Official: If you make a mistake I can give you another ballot. Homer: Here. You've embarrassed me, I hope you're happy. [takes ballot and inserts] Now to vote for Gore. [pokes Buchanan hole] D'oh! Homer: [popping head out] Um... Official: Did you make another mistake? Homer: Yes. Official: *sigh* Here. Homer: Now to vote for Gore. [pokes Buchanan hole] D'oh! Homer: Um... Official: Here's another ballot. Homer: Don't treat me like I'm stupid. [closes curtain] D'oh! [pops back out] Um... Official: Here. Just take them all. Homer: Thank you. [curtain closes] D'oh! Allllll right ballot, you're asking for it. [pokes Buchanan hole] D'oh! [Cut to ten minutes later. Large mound of ballots surrounds Homer's booth] Homer: Haha! I showed YOU who's smarter, eh? Official: Oh good. Make sure to pick off the chad on your ballot. Homer: Hey, screw this Chad guy, I already voted. [drops in box] [Scene 9] [Protest taking place over confusion on the ballots. Homer is protesting along with Otto, the Hillbilly, Moe, Barny, and others] Kent: This is Kent Brockman coming to you live from downtown Springfield where the local voters are admitting their own complete stupidity. Excuse me, [talks to Otto] do you expect people to believe you were confounded by something so simple as punching a card. Otto: LEGALIZE IT! Kent: Uh, what? Otto: IT! LEGALIZE IT! Homer: [poking in] We're demanding that our voices be heard! Protestors: Yeah! Homer: Voting is the right our forefathers earned for us by fighting Montezuma in World War II, and it is the duty of the government to make it easy for us to do! Moe: My customers were too drunk to even find the polling place. Now I want to know what the government plans to do about that? Grampa Simpson and Assorted Old people: We demand to be heard! Grampa Simpson: I want my vote counted and counted right! I refuse to listen to anyone who wants to stop my vote for Thomas Dewey! Homer: That's right. And we will not tolerate the injustice caused by these Buttermilk ballots. Protestors: Yeah! [rioting breaks out] [Final Scene] Kent: The final efforts of the recounts underway in Springfield shocked many when the distant third place contender Pat Buchanan launched ahead of both Bush and Gore. The recount discovered this previously ignored pile of 134,000 ballots all punched for the Nazi Party candidate. [Cut to Nuclear Plant] Mr Burns: [waving Buchanan banner] Huzzah! Kent: The revelation means that the electoral votes will not go to either of the major parties, but rather to him. A surprising turn for the citizens of the great state of- [TV turns off] Simpsons is the property of Fox. Al Gore is the property of US Robots and Mechanical Men All Rights Reserved -- Chuck http://www.sfdebris.com