He managed to drag a couple of others into it before Ali Tavakoly pooped on the party.

Here's the results.

Subject: LSFAQ: Paul Jacques is a Pig Fucker!
Date: Sun, 04 Jun 2000 20:45:25 GMT
From: lordshaithis@my-deja.com
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars
 
 

(Yup kiddies, it's that time again.  Paul has been spewing his bullshit
all over the NG lately, making necessary the writing of another LSFAQ
canon fanfic!  So in the tradition of "Paul Jacques Eats Donkey Shit",
I present to you "Paul Jacques is a Pig Fucker"...)

   "That's it Paul, ride that piggy!" Captain Janeway said, her face
twisted with deviant lust.  "Ride that piggy for momma!"  She brought
her riding crop down across Paul's ass with a resounding SMACK!
   "Oh yes Captain, my captain..." Paul cried, thrusting his amazingly
small cock into the poor pig over and over again.  The animal grunted
it's dismay, for while Paul's tiny dick lacked the girth needed to
discomfort so much as a mouse, even an animal that consumes it's own
shit can be disgusted under the right circumstances.
   Abruptly the pig, Janeway, and the background of the scene flickered
and vanished.  Paul landed, naked, with a thud on the bare floor of the
Voyager holodeck.  A voice came over the intercom...
   "Enough practice my little fuckmuffin, save some for tonight."
Janeway said from the bridge.  "I need you up here.  It seems we have a
problem."

   Paul walked onto the bridge a few minutes later, wearing a fluffy
pink robe and playing Britney Spears on his walkman.  Standing in the
middle of the room was.......

(Okay, I'm cutting off here.  I want you guys to continue this!  This
will be the Neverending Paul Jacques Story!)
 

Subject:  Re: LSFAQ: Paul Jacques is a Pig Fucker!
Date: Sun, 04 Jun 2000 21:09:44 GMT
From: pablo_sanchez2000@my-deja.com
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars
 

   Paul walked onto the bridge a few minutes later, wearing a fluffy
pink robe and playing Britney Spears on his walkman.  Standing in the
middle of the room was Satan.
   "Paul, you have served me well, spreading falsehood and infuriating
the righteous," began the Dark Lord of the Nether Regions.  "However,
since I am a vindictive bastard, you're going to die at my hand anyway."
   "But I only did what you told me to!!!" cried Paul.
   "Yes, that's true, but I don't really like you.  Bye."
   Paul plummeted through the deck, and out into the cold void of
space.  His fluffy robe provided no protection against the total lack
of heat.
   The Father of Lies watched as Paul's body twisted and writhed in the
airless depths of deep space, then turned to Janeway.
   "You are doing a good job by starring in the crappiest Star Trek
series in the history of the Universe.  Despite that, you and Paul
screwing made me puke.  Even though I might immerse someone in a pit of
endless excrement for all eternity to be continually raped by demons,
some things can disgust even me."
    Meanwhile, far out in space, Paul floated aimlessly.  Suddenly, he
got a thought!
    "I'm Paul Jacques!" he thought, "I'm much too important to be
affected by the freezing vacuum of space!"
    And although he could hear the screams of those more intelligent
than himself (there were a lot of them) telling him that that was
impossible, he stuck by his beliefs!  Then he died, with his bodily
fluids streaming out of all his orifices and freezing.
    Suddenly, he awoke, and found himself in a laboratory.  Before him
was...

Subject: Re: LSFAQ: Paul Jacques is a Pig Fucker!
Date: Mon, 05 Jun 2000 01:05:05 GMT
From: bjorn_paulsen@my-deja.com
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars
 
 

...an elderly man in a white lab coat. He was fiddling with the
restraints that held Paul down, and muttering softly in german. Paul
squirmed, partly because he had no idea where he was and partly because
the dildo he used to wear up his ass was gone.
"Zo, I vill take this inanimate body you found, Igor, and I vill bring
it to sentience. Yes, I vill. Zen, novone vill schpurn ze name of Viktor
Frankenstein again."
There was a bright flash of lightning outside the windows, and the stone
chamber shook with thunder. The good doctor continued, louder, speaking
to someone out of view.
"Igor, you are kvite, *kvite* sure zat zis sing you found is a human
body?"
"Yes, master," came a gurgling groan, and for a moment Paul's heart
leapt. The captain! Janeway had come to save him! Then he realized that
it was a male voice, and one that differed from Janeway's. The doctor
went on.
"Really? Such unnaturally distended anal passage I have never seen in a
living being. Vell, no matter."
Paul tried to speak, unsuccessfully. Judging from the taste and texture
of what filled his mouth, he realized that he must have fallen asleep
while eating donkey shit again the previous evening. Paul still savoured
the taste, but wondered a bit about dental hygeine. He was also pretty
scared of the whole situation.
"Very vell, Igor! Schtand back! Ze final touch is at hand!" So saying,
the professor yanked the lever he held full down. Paul's eyes fell on
the sign by the lever and caught the numbers 10^20 W before all
dissolved in crackling white and the smell of burnt meat.
"See, Igor! It's alive! Mwahahahahaa! I've kreated a monster!"
Little did the professor know how right he was...
 

/ Björn - feeling silly