Chuck decided to take a shot at it later on.
Here are the results.
From: "Kynes" <kynes@choam.org>
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars
Subject: Re: [MIA] Reid
Date: Thu, 03 Aug 2000 08:20:42 GMT
"Strowbridge" <strowbridge@home.com> wrote in message news:3989270B.CB07BF18@home.com...
> > > > Anybody seen Reid lately??
> > >
> > > Last post from him that I see is April
4th.
> > > But the last day he was posting regular
was March 19th.
> > >
> > > That's a long time, perhaps he left ASVS
for a new life.
> >
> > Nobody ever leaves ASVS. You, of all people,
should know that. I have no
> > doubt that the day after Sheppard serves
the last day of his sentence
> > (maybe that'll be tomorrow, maybe that'll
be after the earth crashes into
> > the sun) he'll post "[OT] Where I've been".
>
> And we'll be there to witness the warm reception
turn to heated
> arguments and eventually (5 seconds or so)
violent flame wars.
I can just picture this.
SHEPPARD: "I'm back!"
DALTON: "Welcome back!"
THELEA: "Good to meet you!"
SHEPPARD: "Who's the girl?"
DALTON: "Oh, she's new since you left. She likes
guns too."
THELEA: "I'm also a fascist."
KYNES: "And Pro-SW. Mwa ha ha. By the way, Shep,
if you could, submit your DNA for
voter registration. Thanks."
STROWBRIDGE: "All of North America should have
gun registration. FYI."
SHEPPARD: "First of all, fuck you Thelea, democracy
is the best. Second of all,
Strowbridge, fuck you, the second amendment is bigger than Jesus."
BOYD: "Now wait just a minute! Blah blah church
retreat blah blah."
KYNES: "Maybe it's time to SHUT YOUR UGLY FACE,
BOYD."
BOYD: "Why do you always do this?"
EDAM: "Oh look, Dr. Kynes McNeverTroll is starting
shit."
POE: "Shut the fuck up, Edam, or should I say,
Mr. Morris."
STROWBRIDGE: "Yeah, you worthless troll."
DALTON: "I'm just posting for the shit of it."
KYNES: "That reminds me, ASVS.org will be completely
finished in a week or so."
STROWBRIDGE: "Right on time for the new millennium."
GRAEME: "Actually, the last year of *this* millennium.
You see, it's not till 3001."
CHUCK: "Check it out guys, the last chapter of
my fanfic!"
DALTON: "Wow! Really?!"
CHUCK: "No, here's another one."
ELIM: ---- [when you're in a killfile, nobody
can hear you scream]
> > You. Me. Mad Rabbit. TOWNMNBS. ASVS has proven
its power again and
> > again... there is no escape. It is the only
way.
>
> Except the final escape. The last post from
this mortal coil. "So that's
> it, we all agree on ALL the topics ... Hey,
does anyone else hear a
> chorus of angels?"
And then, poof. ASVS disappears from all news
servers. Every registered voter vanishes
from their homes. Every ASVS webpage is a redirect
to 127.0.0.1. And somewhere, deep
in a cave or possibly a hobbit-esque hole, TJ
decides it's time to make a comeback to
rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc.
--
-LK!
Subject: Re: (WWW) Indeed
Date: Thu, 03 Aug 2000 08:43:40 GMT
From: "Kynes" <kynes@choam.org>
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars
"Strowbridge" <strowbridge@home.com> wrote
in message news:39892EEE.566AA45B@home.com...
> Kynes wrote:
> >
> > "Strowbridge" <strowbridge@home.com> wrote
>
> > > The Bear Stings, great band. Love their
song, "Oh Why won't You have
> > > Sex with Me?"
> >
> > Part of their #1 smash album, "Mustard: A
Beverage At Last."
>
> Did this thread EVER have a useful purpose?
If so will we ever get back
> to it?
Actually, I think I remember the Baron, Sutton,
and Boyd trying to start a revolution
in here somewhere. By all means, let's get back
to that.
---===---
BOYD: The Council sucks. Let's make our own rules.
BARON: Yeah.
SUTTON: What rules would we make?
BOYD: Well, we need one requiring evidence.
SUTTON: Yeah.
BARON: More sheep porn rules.
SUTTON: Be quiet!
BOYD: I should have thought of this before I
got involved with a couple of Brits.
SUTTON: You're British, you poppyweasel [or some
British insult -- ed.]
BARON: [singing] I WANT MORE SHEEP PORN RULES...
SHEEP PORN RULES ARE WHAT I WANT
BOYD: Shut up! Okay, we also need a rule that
says you have to only talk about
relevant things.
SUTTON: Yes, that's good.
BARON: [in Sutton voice] And we need more rules
allowing the nudity of sheep.
BOYD: Well, now that you've both said it, I want
that too.
---===---
--
-LK!
Subject: Re: [Spacebattles] Turn about is fair
play...
Date: Sun, 6 Aug 2000 02:14:20 -0500
From: "Chuck" <CSONN@prodigy.net>
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars
<pablo_sanchez2000@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:8mj0l5$nov$1@nnrp1.deja.com...
> > > /grabs automatic rifle and machete
> >
> > Get that thing away from me, you psycho!
>
> Keep running, I'm drawing a bead.
Kyle and Phong snicker as he aims at Dalton.
Pablo: Watch out! [bang!]
Dalton falls over dead.
Kyle: Um, dudes I think we killed him.
Pablo: HOLY SHIT!
Phong: What do you mean we killed him?
I loaded that with blanks.
Pablo: HOLY SHIT!
Kyle: Oh man!
Phong: Just take it easy.
Pablo: HOLY SHIT!
Kyle: OhmigodOhmigodOhmigodOhmigod...
Phong: Let me see that gun. [takes it]
These are real bullets!
Pablo: HOLY SHIT!
Phong: Well, maybe he's only wounded.
Kyle: Wounded?! His fucking arm's blown
off!
Pablo: HOLY SHIT!
Phong: Well, he could still be alive.
Kyle: Then go check Mr. Hot-shit!
Phong: Why me, I loaded the gun!
Kyle: And a fucking great job you did too!
Pablo: HOLY SHIT!
Phong: Wait a minute, wait a minute, what are
we worried about. Calamity
Jane here shot him.
Pablo: HOLY SHIT!
Kyle: Yeah but we were helping. We're accessories.
Phong: No no, we were trying to stop him.
He's obviously crazy.
Kyle: Anyone going to believe that?
Pablo: HOLY SHIT!
Phong: I say it's worth a try.
[both run away]
Pablo: HOLY SHIT!
Dalton peers out from behind a tree and snickers
at them, holding up a
mallet.
--
Chuck
http://www.sfdebris.com
Subject: Re: OT - Earthquakes
Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 23:47:19 -0600
From: "Kynes" <kynes@choam.org>
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars
INT. Antarctica ASVS Base
KYNES: [turning to Strowbridge] How's the machine
holding up?
STROWBRIDGE: Good. New Zealand should be totally
gone in a matter of hours.
KYNES: Good, good.
STROWBRIDGE: And how's the... other machine holding
up?
KYNES: Also good. Old Zealand should be ready
to be raised from the ocean in
a day or
so.
STROWBRIDGE: Right. Now all we need...
A YOUNG MAN enters; he is roughly 24, with sandy
brown hair and a chiseled
expression.
STROWBRIDGE: There you are.
KYNES: Well? Do you have it?
YOUNG MAN: I've got it. Did you pass my story
along to the others?
KYNES: Of course we did.
STROWBRIDGE: As far as they know, you're on sabbatical.
YOUNG MAN: Good. The last thing I need is a hundred
requests for servi--
KYNES: [interrupting] Yes, yes, we know. It's
taken care of! Now, if you would,
please?
The YOUNG MAN produces an object wrapped in dark
leather, roughly two feet long
and very narrow.
STROWBRIDGE: That's it.
KYNES: You're sure?
STROWBRIDGE: Now that you mention it, no.
YOUNG MAN: I thought you might have reservations.
I've prepared a demonstration.
The YOUNG MAN gestures to the large display screen
of New Zealand, and more
specifically to a small, blinking dot.
YOUNG MAN: That dot represents the troll PREDATOR.
KYNES: So?
The YOUNG MAN concentrates a minute on the object
in his hand, still wrapped.
After a moment, the dot begins blinking wildly.
STROWBRIDGE rushes to a station.
STROWBRIDGE: His life signs are fluctuating wildly.
KYNES: It's the Troll's Bane, all right. I would
have thought Poe would have
taken it
with him.
STROWBRIDGE: He left his undies, also.
Pause.
KYNES: Well done, Graeme.
YOUNG MAN: So the Council will grant my request?
KYNES: Be assured.
STROWBRIDGE: I've waited for this for a long
time, Graeme... a long time. I'll be
counting down the seconds till Old Zealand has risen and we can use
it to destroy Polinger.
YOUNG MAN: Then I'll speak to you again on such
an eve.
[End]
--
-LK!
Subject: Re: Wide Angle Stun
Date: Tue, 29 Aug 2000 11:02:46 -0600
From: "Kynes" <kynes@choam.org>
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars
"Wayne Poe" <louis@h4h.com> wrote in message
news:Pine.LNX.4.21.0008290011210.8694-100000@h4h.com...
>
> Hey! I just saw a wide-angle stun used on Voyager.
The episode is----
>
> GGggGGAAKKK! KYNES! LET GO! I------GAAAKKKKKK!!!!!!!
*CHUCK shakes head*
CHUCK: Honestly, Kynes, you should be a little
more subtle.
KYNES: Apologies.
STROWBRIDGE: That's the fourth Poe clone we've
lost already. Maybe we're just
going to have to accept the fact that he's gone.
KYNES: No, we can do it.
STROWBRIDGE: We might have to. We can no longer
ignore the fact that Lord Edam
has gained the technology to duplicate
himself.
*ALL shudder*
CHUCK: Do we really want to dabble in the unholy
rites that created Boyd and
Alves?
KYNES: For once... I find myself wondering the
same thing.
STROWBRIDGE: We have no other choice. Ready the
Tanks; I'll fetch more of Poe's DNA.
--
-LK!
Subject: Re: Wide Angle Stun
Date: Tue, 29 Aug 2000 09:31:41 -0700
From: Ali Tavakoly <vegeta@programmer.net>
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars
ALI: no go. Timmy escaped and ate the remaning
poe dna culture we had prepped.
DALTON: looks like disection time!! whahaahhaha!!!!
peace,
ali
From: "Ryan Spickard" <atomikchicken@excite.com>
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars
Subject: Re: Fresh meat
Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2000 13:26:44 -0700
"Raven Ford" <rave16@swbell.net> wrote in message
news:918h8u$3atme$2@ID-63060.news.dfncis.de...
[snip]
> > KILL
>
> Now wait just one minute here...
Raven turns and runs as fast as her legs can carry
her as the enraged
beast Dalton charges after her. She bounds through
a door nearly running into
the looking-clueless-as-usual Spickard, who had
just returned from a
munchie-run.
Raven: "AHHHHHHH!!!!"
Spickard: "Hey, watch it! You almost made me
drop the grub!"
Dalton: "SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASHHHHH!!"
Spickard: "Uh-oh..."
Spickard turns in time to see Dalton plowing through
the door in
hot-pursuit of Raven.
Dalton: "Rob Smash!!!!!"
Spickard: "...Holy Bleedin' Jesus in a birch-bark
canoe!"
*SQUISHSTOMPSPLAT*
Dalton continues his mad stampede, barely even
noticing the 'speed-bump'
he just flattened into a gooey glob of gory goodness.
Spickard: "...hey man, you got pizza on my shirt...you
are soooo going
to pay for that...ouch...somebody bring me a
spatula please...and some
morphine...maybe a priest..."