Subject: [Fanfic] 3rd Ground Kings Date: 11 Sep 2002 12:01:34 GMT From: Spyder Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars Act 2 "You're watching the Hyper-Wave News Network, and here are your hosts: Alexis Walters and Timothy Jones." The lights came on showing the news anchors as they were introduced by the voice over. "Good evening." Alexis greeted the audience. "ExaCom, the interstellar mining conglomerate released a statement earlier today regarding the disappearance of the company's flagship middle-management transport freighter, the EXC Evening Star. The company's press secretary, Mr Dave Militarised Zone made the following statement in a live press conference earlier today:" "Any allegation that I have had or ever will have sexual partners, that are addicted to crack and are donkeys, is a blatant lie. Any questions?" The crowd of reporters looked at each other awkwardly after Dave made his opening remark. "Yes, you." Dave pointed out one of the reporters with their hand raised. "Are you going to comment on the disappearance of the Evening Star?" The reporter asked. "Oh right, yeah that ship exploded." Dave answered, again stunning the crowd. "Mr Zone, could you elaborate on that?" One of them queried, looking for further clarification of DMZ's response. "I certainly can. The EXC Evening Star was on route to the commons station in the Council galaxy. For reasons unknown, a large explosion caused the ship to explode, in a manner that could be described as explosive, killing everyone on board. EXC investigators have no leads as to what caused the explosion, but we believe that anti-industrial terrorists and possibly faulty display drivers may be involved." The reporters all called out to DMZ, trying to get his attention. Again, he singled one of them out for a question. "Is it true that ExaCom has declared the entire crew dead in order to avoid paying them hazard allowance for serving on a ship that was destroyed and that the crew is in fact still alive, scattered across the galaxy caught in a massive intergalactic struggle between a galaxy- spanning Evil Empire, a Rebellion, and possibly a United Federation of Planets from some little hick universe?" DMZ looked to his left at a man standing in the corner who was frantically shaking his head. "Umm, no." He said, facing the crowd. "Mr Zone was not available for further comments." Alexis concluded. "Over to you Tim." "The Galactic Empire has declared all out war on most of the other factions still operating in the Council's galaxy. UN officials say that we may be in grave danger. It is however unlikely that the Empire's weapons will be able to penetrate UN standard navigational shielding," "what makes you say that Tim?" Alexis interrupted. "Calculation, speculation, and I always do my best to ensure that I have no girlfriend to distract my brilliant intellect. Now please don't interrupt." Responded Timothy. "Bearing the brunt of the attack was the United Federation of Planets, who are currently in the process of toying with the Empire before they unleash the genesis device on their home world. Ambassador Chells humoured the Empire with the following statement:" "We've lost all our collectors along with six starships. Seven counting the USS Voyager, that went missing earlier this week. Those Imperial warships outgun us 50 to 1. Basically we're f**ked." The last word was beeped out. Timothy Jones removed his earpiece and continued his report. "The Federation's faithful and completely trustworthy allies the Klingon Empire report the first in a series of major victories against the Evil aggressor. Captain Klagg Shi't'House made the following statement:" "It was a fierce battle and many warriors found themselves crossing the river of blood into Stovokor. But by the day's end we had accomplished our task, the Rancor was ours! Up yours Palpatine, we stole a Rancor! Mwahahaha!" "So there you have it folks, absolutely nothing to worry about." Timothy concluded. "Tim, the boss says we're supposed to do the civil emergency warning about the Empire, not tell everyone that there's nothing to worry about." Alexis told Timothy. "The Empire wont get anywhere near us, Federation weapons are at least 50,000 times more powerful then anything the Empire could ever though at them!" Jones shouted at the camera. "Tim, we have a huge pile of reports straight from top UN strategists that say otherwise, and the boss says stick to the program or you're canned." Alexis reminded her co-anchor. "Excuse me, but who's the expert here?" Timothy asked rhetorically. "...The strategists?" Alexis responded. "That really is a typical woman response." "You asshole!" "Alexis, we're live on air. There's no need for name-calling." "Fuck you!" Alexis flashed her middle finger at Timmy and stormed off the set. Meanwhile... "We're all going to die!" A random alien shouted as he ran screaming across the lobby of the commons station. Panic ensued as aliens were running left and right desperately trying to get off the station on one of the transports before the Imperials arrived. "Strowbridge, Dalton, O'Farrell!" Chells shouted over the chaos. "The ship's here, we've got to go!" "What about the others, weren't they supposed to arrive here?" Strowbridge shouted back. "Wilkens, Jonathon Boyd, and Colin Witz are waiting on the ship. Let's go!" "Where exactly are we going?" asked Chris. "We just need to find an empty spot to stand where they can beam us out." Chells answered. "Hold it!" Dalton exclaimed. "Before we get put through that thing I just have one question." "Make it quick." Chells responded. "Do your transporters use our original molecules when putting us back together, or are we essentially clones while the old versions of us are killed off?" Dalton asked. "Funny you should mention that actually." Chells responded. "We used to use the old kill and clone method but your UN actually forced us to start using a system that transmitted original molecules. It's worked out quite good really, we haven't had a single transporter accident since the new system was installed." "Just checking." Said Dalton. "Actually, this spot here should do the trick." Chells tapped the badge on his chest. "Chells to Enterprise, four to beam up." The four of them experienced a tingling sensation. Little silvery specs of whatever-the-hell-they-were were floating around them. Suddenly before any of them know what was going on they were standing in the middle of a Federation transporter room. "Are you sure we're not clones of our former selves?" Strowbridge asked. "Yes, but even if we are, the old us's aren't around to whine about it." Chells responded. "Oi!" A familiar voice yelled out, drawing their attention to the three people standing near the door. "Wilkens!" The three called out in response as they stepped off the transporter pad. "I was beginning to think I wasn't going to see any of you guys alive again." Wilkens commented, greeting the other survivors. "So how did you end up here and where's Boyd and Colin?" Dalton asked. "Witz was in the observation room last time I saw him. I'm not sure where Boyd got to, was on the bridge meeting with the Captains last time I saw him." Wilkens responded. "The Captains?" Strowbridge queried. "You mean more then one?" "Long story. Basically we were floating in space, next thing you know we're getting attacked by these aliens, then these other guys showed up and we ended up floating through the middle of a battle zone, then we started getting these strange transmissions from a tear in space. The transmissions were too fuzzy to see clearly, but it had something to do with goats and naked rear ends. Some other stuff happened then ships from two different parallel universe Federation's showed up. One blew up, and now there are two captains on board. I think donkeys were mentioned somewhere along the line too." As Wilkens filled them all in, the starship propelled itself away from the station at a casual velocity. It would have been a smooth getaway had the first two Star Destroyers of the Imperial blockade not arrived moments before the Enterprise could go to transwarp, or whatever their propulsion system of the week was. "Attention station control, this is the shuttle...well actually I don't have a name for it, it's a Lambda class shuttle and has a really nice leather smell, but anyway I'm dropping out of hyperspace now and I need clearance to land." Spyder eased back the hyperdrive controls and brought the shuttle back into normal space. He turned to face the passengers. "Well, not long now. With a little luck we should be back home in," he paused for a moment with the realization that they weren't all accounted for, "where's Deimos?" "Playing with the decoy pods last time I saw him." Kynes answered. "Are ye sure we shouldn't be stoppin' the lad before he does somethin' less then swift?" The Baron interjects. "Possibly, but we're nearly at the station anyway," said Spyder, "as long as that star destroyer on our port side doesn't start firing at us, we're all clear." Of course what some people don't realize is that fate is a mischievous yet dangerous creature, much like a lion playing with its food. Unfortunately, someone always comes along and sticks a sharp as-long-as-that-star- destroyer-doesn't-start-shooting-at-us stick straight in its eye socket. A green flash boomed in front of the shuttle, followed by another narrowly missing the shuttle's portside engine. "Evasive manoeuvres!" The Baron yelled at the top of his Scottish lungs. Spyder threw the throttle back and pulled the ship around, sending Kynes and the Baron flying to the rear of the cockpit. "Firing decoys!" Spyder yelled as he hit the button. "Help, guys!" Someone yelled from the back of the shuttle. "Aw fuck, Deimos is still back there." Kynes announced. Suddenly, the pod's engine roared to life and the pod rocketed away from the shuttle. The pod, along with Deimos who's hand was caught in the pod's mechanism was propelled through space at breakneck speed. The Imperial gunners looked on with fear and astonishment as Deimos rocketed past. What kind of people would do that to their own? They thought to themselves. Was this some kind of message? If they didn't stop shooting, was a nation of savages going to show up and fire them all out of airlocks just to watch them silently scream in the cold vacuum of space? The gunners decided that it would be best if they stop shooting and let the shuttle pass. Meanwhile, back on the Enterprise. "Sir, we have incoming!" A random red-shirt shouted. "Go to red alert!" Just as Picard gave the order, the pod collided with the Enterprise tearing a hole near the bridge. Due to a completely unrelated systems error, the console nearest to Captain Picard exploded, sending the bald Frenchman to an untimely and ultimately unspectacular demise. "No! Why do the good always die so young!" Riker cried! "God damn it, I really wanted to bang his brains out." Beverly said "Did I just say that out loud?" "Noooo!" Riker cried and threw his arms up in the air. "Take me! I'm ready for the next life!" Riker continued to cry. Before anyone could say 'hey Riker, you might want to move to the left a bit' Deimos fell from the ceiling and landed on the sobbing, hairy mourner. Both of them landed on the floor in a heap. "Deimos?" Came a voice from the back of the gathered crowd. "Boyd?" Deimos responded. "What the hell are you doing here?" Boyd asked as he helped Deimos to his feet. "I don't know. One minute I was on Spyder's shuttle, there was a loud noise, I called for help, then everything went all hazy and blurry, now I'm here." "Your captain's funeral will have to wait," Said the man sitting in the captain's chair, "I ------- am assuming command." He said. "Mr Data, take us out of here!" "Oh well, seeming as you're here I may as well introduce you." Said Boyd. "Deimos, meet Captain Kirk. Captain Kirk, this is Deimos." Part 13 mo·lest P Pronunciation Key (m -l st ) tr.v. mo·lest·ed, mo·lest·ing, mo·lests 1. To disturb, interfere with, or annoy. 2. To subject to unwanted or improper sexual activity. The droid bleeped as it rolled down the hall, the overhead lights reflecting off the metallic dome that served as the small robot's head. Many of these droids were meandering around the ship, mopping a surface down here, cleaning off a spot of blood there. Some were busy dragging various members of the ship's former crew off to a hole in the wall where they were loaded in and ejected into space. The engineering section had been repaired and was once again fit for human habitation. Droids scuttled about the engineering bay, doing whatever it is the engineers used to do before they were all dissolved in warp coolant. Meanwhile on the bridge, Voyager's new master was busy entertaining himself with a pair of headphones he replicated from the ship's database of ancient technology. "I'M CAUGHT, IN A WORLD THAT'S BULLETPROOF, I CAN TASTE THE TRUTH, BUT IT WON'T DRAG ME DOWN!" Eyes closed, two fingers from each hand clamping the device to his ears, Harry ferociously nodded his head as he crooned along to the music. He continued to bang his head against an imaginary wall while reclining back in the Captain's chair, completely oblivious to the little red light flashing on the arm. "AND I'M CAUGHT, IN A WORLD THAT'S BULLETPROOF, SET ME UP TO LOSE, BUT I WON'T LET YOU DOWN!" The audio unexpectedly cut out, leaving Harry lying as far back on the chair as it would allow. "Ahem." The deep shadowy voice of the Sith echoed through the ship's speakers. Harry removed the headphones as he caught sight of the cloaked figure before him on the main screen. "Master! I was just searching the enemy's audio databanks for..." "We are at a pivotal moment my young apprentice. Your concentration must be on the here and now. Clear your mind." He ordered, his mouth was the only part of him visible under his hood but even then the picture was too dark to make out any distinguishing marks. Harry closed his eyes and breathed deeply. "Good." His master sneered. "The Empire now has a stranglehold on this galaxy, this is no doubt in contrary to the wishes of this galaxy's ruling council and most certainly contrary to the other powers that have come here to accept the mining challenge." "Retaliation?" Harry asked, careful not to overburden his mind with too many questions. "Perhaps. But that is not our concern. Our only concern is the Emperor himself. For the meantime the council itself remains safe behind an energy field spanning thousands of light-years deep within the core of the galaxy. The Emperor himself will no doubt personally oversee the final stroke in removing the council from power. Your task is simple; find the Emperor. To say the least, we will ensure that his little romp throughout the universe wont be met...entirely without molestation." Harry smirked as he tried to suppress a short chuckle. "What's so funny?" His master asked. "...You want me to molest the Emperor?" "To begin with, yes. We are going to molest the Emperor." His master repeated in the deep shadowy voice "...What is so damn funny?" He demanded as Harry clutched at his sides in order to keep them from rupturing under the pressure generated by Harry's now unstoppable laughter. The master quickly referenced his pocket 1st edition Basic/English dictionary, sneering as he found what Harry was laughing at. This could be a serious problem, Harry's anger was quickly beginning to fade, an obvious problem for any Sith apprentice. Of course, you don't become a Sith master without some modicum of intellect. A solution to the problem came quickly to Harry's master. "Oh by the way, I have just decided upon your Sith name." Harry stopped laughing as his master's thoughts passed through his mind. "Oh crap." He said aloud as he followed his master's thoughts through to conclusion. Meanwhile in another corner of the galaxy: The whisky glided down their throats as they all took another swig of the not quite toxic liquid. "Exiled in a hostile galaxy for a few months now and we're still alive. I think this deserves celebrating." Spyder placed his glass down on the shuttle's main console. "I'm not drunk yet, that'd be something that needs celebrating!" The Baron declared in his overtly Scottish accent. He poured himself another shot and downed it in quick succession. Kynes sat there with a smile on his face. "What are you so happy about?" Spyder asked. "Let's just say that you launching that decoy pod fulfilled one of my life- long ambitions." He responded with a smile. Spyder's attention was drawn to the beeping noise coming from the main console. He removed his glass and tapped the controls. "I'm picking up a week signal. Nothing's coming through, just a bunch of static." "Is it Imperial?" Kynes asked. "Nope, Federation. Looks like there's a shuttle nearby. ...Strange this doesn't look like a communications signal." Suddenly the room was filled with a faint silver glow as an unconscious one-armed woman materialised lying face down on the floor right in front of the Baron. "Hey sweet, a dead hooker service that delivers." The Baron said as he placed two fingers on her neck. "Nope, I'm wrong. She's alive." "And unarmed." Kynes added. Spyder put his hand on her shoulder and turned her over, allowing her to breath. "Holy shit!" The Baron exclaimed as his eyes fixed on her generously proportioned chest. "What's the matter, you never seen a pair of boobs before...whoa..." Kynes stammered. "Suppose we better put something on that arm." Spyder commented. "Yeah..." the other two replied. Her eyelids twitched before opening. Through bloodshot eyes she looked at the three of them. "Harry..." She uttered before losing consciousness again. "Our sensors do not indicate any Imperial activity within the sector." Data calmly relayed to Kirk as he sat in the Captain's chair. "Will there be anything else sir?" "No thank you Data. Right, let's continue on course shall we. If what we've been told is true then this rebellion is the only thing standing in the way of a total Imperial smackdown." Troi glanced at Kirk with a solemn expression on her face. "I hope our guests will be alright. Life aboard a Federation starship would be vastly different to what they're used to. I'm worried that they might feel isolated." Meanwhile, down in ten-forward. Strowbridge, Dalton, O'Farrell, Wilkens and Witz were all drumming their hands on the table while the crowd of Starfleet officers gathered around them continued to chant. "Sulok, Sulok, Sulok, Sulok!" The Vulcan sitting at the table picked up the shot-glass and downed it in one gulp. "You are all ILLOGICAL." He cried. "Synthehol doesn't," 'hic' "affect anyones...even you STUPID humansh." 'hic.' "That's not Synthehol." Witz patted the somewhat intoxicated Vulcan on the back causing him to fall over, the crowd cheered as Sulok tried to get back on his feet. The door opened. "Guys!" Boyd cried. "We're trying to save the universe here, remember?" "Oh come on Boyd," Wilkens called out, "there's nothing wrong with a little harmless fun." "Hey guys, I think Boyd could use a drink." Said Chris. "Oh no, you're not pulling me into it." "Boyd, Boyd, Boyd, Boyd, Boyd, Boyd, Boyd!" The crowd chanted. "Well...oh all right, load me up." Boyd walked over and sat in Sulok's seat. Dalton raised an eyebrow and turned to Strowbridge. "Where's Deimos? Isn't he supposed to be here?" "I dunno." Strowbridge shrugged. "Hey don't touch that." On a lower deck an older crewman was watching Deimos as he was looking at some of the various toys that had gathered on the Enterprise from various encounters throughout its service. Deimos backed off as the crewman walked over. "It's a temporal displacer. Not something you want to mess with." He said. "I'll be careful." Deimos replied. "Hey Bob, could you give us a hand over here." A voice echoed from around the corner. The crewman walked away, leaving Deimos alone with the gear. Deimos, for once in his life, decided that perhaps it would be better if he took the crewman's advice. As he turned to leave his elbow brushed against a small metallic device sitting on one of the boxes, knocking it to the floor. The device broke apart on the floor, much to Deimos' dismay. "Uh oh..." he said as he looked around, seeing if anyone saw what he did. His eyes then turned to the temporal displacer. "Hmm...A few seconds back in time couldn't hurt." Deimos picked up the displacer and pushed a button. With a flash of light he suddenly found himself confronted with himself. "Hey, watch out for that thing." He said, pointing at the thing sitting on the box. "Oh, thanks me." "No problem." Deimos said, he pushed a button and returned to his own time. "Oops." Said the other Deimos as he knocked something else to the ground. His eyes immediately turned to the temporal displacer. "The perfect crime." Deimos smiled to himself after seeing the device intact in its original position. Suddenly he noticed that he was still standing next to himself. "What are you still doing here? You need to go back and tell you not to knock that thing off." "Oh right, I sort of figured that would go without saying." The other Deimos said before disappearing in a flash of light. Deimos put the displacer down and quietly left the room. Suddenly, there was another flash of light. "The perfect crime." another Deimos smiled. He placed his displacer down next to the other one and left the room. He strode down the corridor with speed and purpose passing humans and aliens of varying descriptions along the way. "Hey Luke, how's the arm?" One of them asked. "A little heavy, but I'm getting used to it." He responded without missing a step. He marched straight into the meeting room where the others were waiting. "Ah, good timing." Said Wedge. "Gentlemen, may I present Luke Skywalker, our top pilot." "Nice to finally meet you all. I've heard a lot about you" Luke started off. "Not from Kynes I hope." Edam responded. "Who?" "Never mind." Phong, Edam, Anders, Stuart, and Wilson were all waiting at the Rebel base, hidden deep within one of the shadowy corners of the galaxy. For now this was the safest place for them. "We were told that you needed to speak to us about something." Phong spoke, getting straight to the point. "Yes, yes I do." Luke took a deep breath. "I'm going to get straight to the point. We've had a look at your blood tests and..." "We're diseased?" Stuart asked with a slight hint of panic in his voice. "No, far from it actually. You all have super powers." The guys all turned to each other with puzzled looks. The glanced over at Luke, then all glanced at each other. Edam and Anders glanced over at Wedge, Stuart at the recording device in the corner of the room, the rest of them at each other. After a few moments pondering they all turned to Luke and laughed. "Ahhh, you nearly had is with that one." Anders chuckled. "I'm actually quite serious. You and quite possibly all those that were travelling with you are greatly in tune with the force. With a little training and refinement we would all become a force powerful enough stop the Empire before it blankets the entire universe in darkness." Stuart motions Wedge over to the table. "Your friend needs to turn down his oxygen." He whispered. Luke shakes his head. "This is going to take some time I see." Meanwhile. "The Rebels were definitely here all right. The particle scanner is picking up exhaust from what looks like multiple X-Wings." "Sir, we've located a rift in space-time. It appears to lead to another universe, there's a 9-planet star-system on the other side. It could be the Federation." "So, that's where they're hiding. Inform Admiral Jearaat that we've found them. We will take out the Rebellion and the Federation in one swift stroke."