Subject: [FANFIC] The Adventures of Captain Fanboy - Prologue and Chapter1 Date: 29 Sep 2001 08:49:43 -0700 From: Doomriser_2001@hotmail.com (Doomriser_2001) Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars I don't know about you guys, but I'm sick of reading all your Warsie fantasies. That's why I've compilalted an ultra-realistic version of how the events in a galactic conflict would go. It details the story of the young Captain Fanboy and his escapades throughout the Milky Way conflict. So without further Ado: Disclaimer: Star Wars is the property of some large corporation. Star Trek is the property of the Illuminati. This fanfic does not endorse violence except when it is cool and there are showers of blood and guts and gurgling noises and people are like "Ohhh, that's gross!" Any resemblance to animals, living or dead, especially dead ones, are purely coincidental. The above paragraph makes zero sense, but if I had Microsoft's lawyers, I could have it mean whatever I wanted. The Adventures of: ***C a P t A i N F a N b O y*** Prologue They called it the showerhead. This was for good reason as the fifty-four phaser pulse cannons arrayed on the saucer section did give some resemblance to the quaint old sanitary facilities of yesteryear. But the spray that came from these was lethal. The first fifty cannons we not much really, just the small pulse phasers that were mounted on shuttlecraft and runabouts. They were put in armoured turrets and given independent targeting units. This was nothing compared to the heavier weaponry, but it gave effective and versatile arnament against a variety of foes. Though there was not enough power from the ship to run both these and the main batteries at the same time, all fifty cannons could fire independently at the same time, giving a massive umbrella of defensive weaponry. The real firepower was contained in the middle of the saucer section, the centerpiece being a large opening surrounded by a triangular pattern of three double jacketed pulse-phaser cannons. These were the kind used in the Defiant-class ships and were heavily encased in multi-layered ablative armour. The triangle was arranged so that all three cannon arrangements could be brought to bear on targets directly forwards with firing arcs covering nearly a full three-dimensional circle, obstructed only by the thick neck section. Firing on the newly-allowed full continuous mode, each cannon could destroy a Klingon K'Vort class Bird of Prey in one second each. The main battery was at the very centre, buried in layers upon layers of protective armour. It was the heavest phaser cannon ever built for starfleet. With a firepower measuring in gigatons, it could destroy entire enemy fleets with ease. Completing the show was three large Type XII standard phaser banks which encircled the main guns. This was in keeping with the Captain's motto: "Why have one when you can have more!" By Starfleet standards, this ship was ready for anything. It wasn't enough for Captain Fanboy, but it would do. Chapter 1: A Taste of Butal Agony "IMPERIAL VESSEL DETECTED!" screamed Lt. Flaarshfaarsh with enough force to cause bleeding eardrums in several crewmembers. Captain Fanboy making a note to himself to commend the Lt. for his enthusiasm, asked, "Target Identification Mr. Flaarshfarrsh?" "Class-V Garbage Scow, arnament: 4 Quad-" "I'm not interested in the details," said Fanboy, cutting him off, "Looks like it's time to take out the trash," he said with enthusiasm. " Helm, Execute the Tokled maneuver." The navigator quickly wrestled with the controls and put the ship in a hard turn to port. "Excellent. Target the Imperial vessel with all weapons! Maximum phasers followed by a full spread of quantums on my mark." Fanboy clenched his fists and waited a few moments to be dramatic. "Fire- I mean MARK!" Quantum death spat out from the Exterminator's eight tubes. Arrayed on the neck section in a disqusting pattern resembling spider's eyes, the tubes completed the vessel's insecticile look. Blue death and red beams lanced out, in what would have probably been a tremendous display of pyrotechnics had the author the ability to describe things in such detail. The Imperial scow exploded, killing its crew and the precious cargo. A cheer went up on the bridge of the Exterminator. "This puts us at seventy-four kills!" exclaimed the Captain, "Ten more than the Enterprise!" "Well, if you discount fighters, it's really only two capital ships," said Lt. Cmdr. Megabit. Cmdr. Megabit was an android like Data, except smarter. And he could use contractions so he was much more convinient. "Thank you Mister Megabit," continued the Captain, "but I think-" "Cap-tain" interrupted the comms. officer in her deeply-breathing, sultry voice. She swivelled her chair around from her console, with difficulty as both her chair and console had been specially modified as her chest continued to accidentally press keys. "What can I do for you, Tit'Pol?" he smiled. Tit'Pol was the only half-Vulcan, half-Asian officer in Starfleet. She had faced problems of discrimination in the past but Captain Fanboy had always been there to give a helping hand or grope. It was because of this that she had chosen to serve on the Exterminator instead of the Enterprise. "Captain, incoming level four coded transmission for you - It's from the head of starfleet- Admiral Kennedy!" "Put it on screen, my crew has a right to know what's going on here!" Admiral Kennedy appeared on screen, with a puppet of himself in one hand and a Chinese man in the other. "Wong is wrong, damnit WONG IS WRONG," he shouted from from the left-corner of his mouth. "Ooooh, hellpp meeee," he said from the other corner of his mouth. He quickly retracted his hands behind his desk upon seeing the bridge crew staring at him and admonished Captain Fanboy. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!? I called for a private meeting." "I think you'll find I'm full of surprises." TO BE CONTINUED