Subject: Re: technological & scientific validity Date: Mon, 13 May 2002 21:46:55 -0500 From: "Charles Sonnenburg" Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars "Natasha Bell" <_natasha@bellsouth.net> wrote in message news:3CDE0DFE.48C50B18@bellsouth.net... > Hey guys, > Mike, Tom, Crow: Hi Dr. Nick! > Stop it. Tom: No rough housing! > Stop arguing about the validity of Star Wars vs Star Trek > tech. Step away and take a closer look at the underlying facts. Mike: Step away to take a closer look? Crow: We need an author pronto, this metaphor is flatlining! > The > fact is that in Star Wars ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, NOTHING AT ALL is > explained. Mike: Yeah, like how come no one was all over Mon Mothma's hot bod. [pause] What? > Correct - they just say "use the Force". How utterly > ridiculous to assume that the entire audience is composed of ignorant > primates Crow: Grok think Tasha good! > and that these super-human/alein Jedi Knights are here to > correct the problems of the Universe. Tom: It's all just a big tax write-off. > > HEY - "USE THE FORCE" All: Hey - turn off the caps lock! > > How did Luke Skywalker destroy the Deathstar while traveling at > untold speed dodging hostile interceptors? How did Luke Skywalker > finally manage to fire his UNGUIDED weapons into a target he couldn't > even see? Tom: And why does Diet Dr. Pepper taste like regular Dr. Pepper?! > HE JUST USED THE FORCE!! What an amazing leap of fantasy. Crow: What a dull use of sarcasm. > The using of > a mystical force to guide weapons into a target while traveling at > enormous speeds. Tom: Is just one of many options available in the new '02 Grand Am! > > Guess what folks? Mike: "I'm actually a man." > It doesn't work! There is no mystical force that > controls and surrounds everything. Crow: Get the hell out! Tom: Next she's going to tell us this is some kind of movie or something! > Bio-mechanical beings are limited by > the electrical impulses sent through their nervous systems. Mike: And straightjackets, thank goodness. > Ninja > warriors cannot fly; they cannot dodge bullets; and they cannot walk > through walls. Tom: Not without upgrading to the new Ninja 3.1! > NEITHER CAN JEDI KNIGHTS! What are Jedi Knights? Mike: She makes a statement, then asks for a definition of what the subject of that statement was? Crow: Clocks are sausages! Wait, what is a clock? Mike: Thanks, but I think I already made that point. Crow: Just gettin' your back. > They > are nothing but George's take on Ninja warriors. Tom: Which is why they behaved like samurai, of course. Same difference. > Ninja features and TV > series were commonplace during the early 1970's when Star Wars sprang > into his mind. Mike: And the Emperor was based on then President Gerald Ford. > Jedi Knights are just Ninjas with the Katanas replaced > by light sabers. Tom: And starships are just cows with the teats replaced by torpedo tubes. > OHHH WOW!! SUCH A REVELATION... the substituting of > one sword with another. Crow: Uh, is that a phallic reference. Mike: I don't think so. Crow: You sure? Mike: I'm hoping it isn't, anyway. > How did the Jedis come up with a device that > produces a continues beam of light stops at a point? Tom: They just downloaded the ASCII diagrams from the Anarchist Cookbook. It's all over the net. > THEY USED THE > FORCE!! Enough said! Mike: Then stop talking. > > READING THE POSTINGS HERE: "All Star Trek explanation are nothing but > Technobable." Tom: Roger tower, we have a possible strawman approaching at 137. Crow: We read you, prepare to move in and neutralize strawman, over. > Perhaps so. However to the person who wrote this I would > like to say the following: Mike: "Kiss me, you mad, mad fool!!!" > Never read the manual to your VCR or TV - Crow: It's dirty. > It'll be nothing but technobable to you. Tom: Sony uses nanoprobes to make the pictures work. > I'm sure you have managed > however to gain the utmost performance from those devices because you > just "USED THE FORCE". Good for you! Mike: Apparently "Force" is another word for "remote control." > > Star Trek explains things. Crow: Not well, of course... > All right, sometimes they get it wrong. Tom: Yes, and space is kind of chilly. > They > have interesting concepts. Crow: Like officers screwing on a console. Woo-hoo! > I would still like to know how to construct > a gravity well to maintain a constant 1.0G and not use anything as > massive as say: ohhh Planet Earth. Mike: Since you live on planet Earth, what would be the point? Just step on a bathmat. > Then to keep the gravity constant > during acceleration which would completely crush the crew, flight > systems, and the spacecraft to a liquid state in a matter of a few > milliseconds. Crow: If the crew's turning to liquid, I'd say maintaining the gravity at the same accelleration is a pretty low priority. > > Hey, B'Elanna Torres, Commander Laforge, or Scotty could explain it - > they used "Gravity plating" and the interactions of it creating an > isolated gravitational field in which the spacecraft and its > occupants ride. Mike: So, they state the obvious. Good for them. > Cool, although I have a strong background in physics and Calculus > - I doubt I could understand the equations. Tom: No argument from us. Crow: We doubt you'd understand them either. > Maybe one of them could > explain them to me; slowly, so my 21st Century intellect could > diguest them. Mike: I don't have the heart to tell her they're not real, do you? Crow: No. Tom: Poor, poor bastard. > > What would Darth Vader, Han Solo, or Grand Muff Takin say if asked > the above question? Mike: "My name is not 'Muff.' Have her flogged." > "aaaaaahhhhhhhhh DON'T BOTHER ME - JUST USE THE FORCE" Crow: Yeah, well, Vader doesn't look like he'd make that great of a tutor. Tom: Well, he does provide incentive to learn. Crow: True. > > > Will I go to see the new Star Wars movie? Of course - I'm a Science > Fiction fan. Will I ever find the hollow, unscientific, fantasy > universe of Star Wars as appealing as the more in reality based Star > Trek - NOT A CHANCE. Crow: Will anyone give a shit about your opinion? All: No! > > Just a thought, for what it is worth... Crow: I want my money back.