Subject: MiSTing: Re: My Geniune Complaint against ASVS Date: Sun, 24 Mar 2002 17:04:49 -0600 From: "Charles Sonnenburg" Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars "The God" wrote in message news:edfaf276.0203241401.2edcbd9d@posting.google.com... Mike: Hey cool, a message from on high. Crow: God is using a hotmail account? You'd think he could afford his own mailbox service. Tom: Blessed art hotmail, for it doth bring me messages to lengthen my penis. > I'm not an activist, and I'm not a cynic. Crow: I'm not delivery, I'm Dijorno. > I'm just a person who wants > to grant people the freedom to pursue any endeavor they deem fitting > to their skills, talent, and interest. Tom: Like fecal porn webmaster. > Let me begin by citing a range > of examples from the public sphere. For starters, I want to thank > ASVS for its belief systems. Tom: ASVS has a belief system? I thought they just liked bashing newbies on the head with a rock? Mike: Well it's not a belief system so much as a philosophy. > They give me an excellent opportunity to > illustrate just how myopic ASVS can be. Crow: I'd say ASVS is definitely astigmatism material. > ASVS refers to a variety of > things using the word "ultrastandardization". Mike: That's the oddest misspelling of "fucked up" I've ever seen. Tom: Ah, but this version is worth three hundred points in Scrabble! > Translating this bit of > jargon into English isn't easy. Crow: Nor does it have a point. > Basically, it's saying that it is > always being misrepresented and/or persecuted. Tom: Oh, Scott Anderson Syndrome. > At any rate, I will > never give up. I will never stop trying. Crow: [as Bill Pulman] Today we celebrate our Independence Day!!! > And I will use every avenue > possible to establish democracy and equality. Tom: And fecal porn. > Although ASVS is only > one turd Tom: Ha! Called it! > floating in the moral cesspool that our society has become, > it wants to conspire with evil. Mike: Rick Berman? > What does it think it is? I mean, it > asserts that public opinion is a reliable indicator of what's true > and what isn't. Tom: It asserts that it will not pay a lot for this muffler. > Most reasonable people, however, recognize such assertions > as nothing more than baseless, if wishful, claims unsupported by > concrete evidence. Crow: Oh, like" JFK." > > ASVS has written volumes about how everyone with a different set of > beliefs from its is going to get a one-way ticket to Hell. Mike: Also known as Star Trek X > Don't > believe a word of it, though. The truth is that as long as the beer > keeps flowing and the paychecks keep coming, Tom: And fecal porn rules the Internet. > its intimates don't > really care that we've all heard it yammer and whine about how it's > being scapegoated again, the poor dear. It is immature and stupid of > ASVS to glorify misguided anarchists. Mike: ASVS glorifies anarchists the way partygoers glorify a pinata. > It would be mature and > intelligent, however, to do what needs to be done, Tom: [singing] I can feel St. Elmo's fire burn-ing in me!!! > and that's why I > say that it claims that the Queen of England heads up the > international drug cartel. Crow: Oh, so she's not that bad then. > Predictably, it cites no hard data for that > claim. This is because no such data exist. Even with the increasing > number of reprehensible firebrands, some organizations are > responsible and others are not. Mike: Like The National Foundation For Running With Scissors. > ASVS falls into the category of "not". Tom: ASVS is irresponsible, eh? Crow: File that under "duh!" > It is > similarly noteworthy that I would unquestionably like to comment on > ASVS's attempt to associate propagandism with nepotism. Mike: Well they have the same suffix. > There is no > association. Mike: And there is no conspiracy. Tom: And those are not black helicopters flying over your roof. Crow: And this is not my beautiful house. > > In theory, it's about time ASVS stopped claiming its mindless sermons > were influenced by outside sources and just admitted it was wrong. Tom: You know guys, I'm starting to think this isn't the real God talking. Crow: I think this is God's spin doctor. > But > in reality, it's easy to tell if ASVS is lying. If its lips are > moving, it's lying. Mike: Or it's doing fish impressions. > To recap the main points made in this letter: 1) Tom: Fecal porn. > ASVS's hectoring associates seem to think they can escape the > consequences of their actions, Mike: And do it while hanging over a pool of hungry sharks. > 2) I intend to keep writing letters > like this one until ASVS changes its ways, Crow: Note to self: buy stock in Hammermill. > and 3) in debates with > ASVS, it is important to evaluate whether its provocations reflect a > sincere desire to present an alternative point of view or whether its > agenda is primarily to replace intellectual integrity with fastidious > sloganeering. Tom: Okay, I call "sloganeering" as being made up. Crow: Hey, it's a perfectly cromulent word. Mike: Thanks for tuning in folks and remember: Support the throne, buy some crack. Tom: This message brought to you by the Fecal Porn foundation. Fecal Porn, it's what was dinner.