Subject: [MiSTing] NRWD Date: Wed, 19 Jul 2000 11:34:14 -0500 From: "Chuck" Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars *...2....3...4...5...6...door Mike: Hi everyone, welcome to the Satellite of Love. You might have noticed we've been on vacation for a little while. Crow: And loving it. Mike: Yeah, Dr. Forrester was so pleased with our last experiment he got us box seats for the Fanfic Review Road Show. Tom: Man, can that HIT-MAN put on a show! Crow: I got hit by someone's spleen! Mike: Yuch. Well, anyway, what we're trying to say is... is.... Tom: We had no time to prepare a skit for today. Crow: None. Tom: And it's all Mike's fault. Mike: Me? Crow: Hey, somebody's got to take the fall Nelson, and it might as well be you. (light flashes) Mike: But, but... Tom: Just hit the button, if you can keep from screwing that up. (commercial) Tom: "Human error", Mike, need we say more? Mike: But, that's not very fair. Besides, what about "computer error". Crow: Oh, sure, throw your anti-computer biases in our face! Mike: What anti-computer bias? Tom: Look at the neglect you've shown our wonderful Pentium II. Mike: That's not my computer. You won't even let me go near it. Crow: Well dust is bad for computers, Mike. And human skin is the cause of most dust. Tom: Yes, and look at the neglect you've shown it. We're still dinking along on an ISDN line when we should've upgraded to a dedicated T1 by now. Crow: But nooooooooo. Mike Nelson hates computers. If there was a law against computer neglect, we'd lock you up and throw away the key! Tom: Hey, that's not a bad idea. Why don't we make up a law like that? Mike: You can't make up laws and expect people to obey them. Crow: EEEEEEE. Sorry, Nelson, disagreeing with robots is against the law. Mike: No it's not. Tom: Is now, felon. (light flashes) Crow: Get that. Chop chop! Hustle meatbag! Deep 13 Dr. Forrester: Well booby, it seems you've recovered quite nicely from your last beating, and it only took, what, five weeks? SOL Mike: Oh, please don't remind us. Crow: Tom was still screaming "PEOPLE!" just a few days ago. Deep 13 Dr. Forrester: Yes, well, the good news is that "The One Argument That Matters" drove the troll off. Unfortunately about a dozen came in to fill his place. Hence my absence. Frank: I still say that was too evil, even for you sir. Dr. Forrester: Oh, hush Frank. SOL Mike: What did you do? Deep 13 Dr. Forrester: Nothing special. Frank:(covers ears) No! I can't hear it again! I don't want to remember! Dr. Forrester: I digitally altered the UPN signal for the season premiere of Voyager. Captain Janeway was naked the entire episode. SOL Mike, Tom, Crow: (vomitting) Deep 13 Dr. Forrester: And we've seen neither hide nor hair of the trolls since. Frank: (attempting to gouge his own eyes out) Dr. Forrester: Oh stop that, and go and get this weeks experiment. SOL Tom: (vomits some more) Experiment? Deep 13 Dr. Forrester: Yes, I'm afraid the vacation is over my little turtlemuffins. There is only one troll in town and it's me! And it's time to remind them of that! SOL Mike: And what, I'm afraid to ask, do you have in mind? Deep 13 Dr. Forrester: Nothing special. Remember Second Contact and Janeway's Surprise? SOL Crow: Only when I wake up at night and am too hoarse to scream anymore. Deep 13 Dr. Forrester: Well guess what, the author of those gems has now written his own FAQ. Enjoy. I'm afraid there's no limitation on idiocy in the No Restrictions War Document. School is back in session, Nelson. SOL Mike, Tom, Crow: Oh, we've got FAQ sign!!!! 6...5...4...3...2...* PAUL JACQUES H.JR wrote in message news:hgyK3.20110$j6.180310@carnaval.risq.qc.ca... > * WELCOME * Tom: You've got hate mail. > > **** THE No Restrictions War Document **** Mike: Why is "the" in all caps? Crow: Do not confuse this with any imitation stupid-FAQ. > > *** N R W D *** Tom: Oh, I love Nerwood this time of year. > > *** NRWD *** Mike: Wait, now I understand! "NRWD" comes from "No Restrictions War Document"! Of Course! Crow: No, it's THE No Restrictions War Document. Tom: Individual results may vary. > > > This is a second FAQ the NRWD. > > When you use this FAQ (NRWD) for debates, you must write, Mike: Okay, note this: we must write to post on the internet. Tom: Thanks for the heads up. >in the > beginning of the title of your thread:*NRWD*. Why? Crow: That's what I'm thinking now. Why. As in "Dear God why have you blighted me so! Why are you punishing me with this horrid document!!!" >By respect for > the people who are using the original FAQ. This will avoid mix ups. > > Examples: > > *NRWD* Borgs do have KE shields Elam Dukat > *NRWD* Trans Hyper drive Wisemamal > *NRWD* Super S. Troupers would destroy the Borg. Vapspike > *NRWD* A fleet of Sun Crushers against 8472s. Shadow Tom: Oh, so "NRWD" is a flag for posts by idiots. Mike: Man, we should have done this a long time ago. > > > Why a second set of FAQ (NRWD)? Because, some people are discontent > with the original FAQ. They want a different sort of debate. Mike: A brainless one. Crow: FAQ vs. NRWD debates is like comparing wrestling in the Olympics to the WWF. > > Is this FAQ (NRWD) better than the original? Yes, it is real war. Tom: Paul's starting a real war? Mike: Why do I doubt that the author is qualified to judge the quality of this document in comparison to the FAQ? Crow: 'Cause he wrote Second Contact? Mike: Oh, yes, that's right. > > Are these two FAQs compatible? No, this one is not bias. Crow: No pesky laws of physics and logic getting in the way here. Just pure, unadultered make-it-up-as-you-go-along. > > Does this mean, that this NG use two FAQs and you can choose the > debate platform? Yes Tom: This is kind of like declaring your own country and announcing that wearing pants is no longer the law. > > If somebody who uses the original FAQ, answers my thread and says >that Q > is not permitted, what do I say? Mike: "I apologize for my boneheaded mistake?" > You say, this is permitted here, I use the NRWD and not the > original FAQ. Tom: The rules do not apply to me! Crow: I get the feeling Paul's posting from a compound in Montana. > > Do I have the right to use this FAQ (NRWD)? Yes, the internet if for > all. Crow: You have the right to make stupid remarks, and we have the right to mock you for making them. > > What is permitted with this FAQ (NRWD)? Mike: Hard core nudity! > > *** common sense it the ultimate rule *** Tom: I guess that pretty much negates the NRWD doesn't it. > > -Q is permitted. He is the arbiter of the war. Crow: And, of course, the arbiter usually takes sides? Mike: Gee, we couldn't go one line without contradicting that common sense clause. > -Alliances are permitted. > -Time travel is permitted. > -Seen technologies are permitted. > -Creating new tech with old tech. Tom: The Empire turns the Death Star into a giant lightsaber. > -Logical extrapolations are permitted. Mike: I can teach a dolphin to jump through a hoop, therefore I can teach a jalapeno to tapdance. > -The fact that a side didn't use a tactic in a film or episode does > not negate that tactic. Crow: Cardassians attack with en masse titty-twisters. > -Any new tactic or technology seen once is considered available to be > use again. Tom: Where's this "real war" he was talking about earlier? Mike: It's the war to throw him out, apparently. > - ... More will come... Mike, Tom, Crow: Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! > > > Good debate! Mike: Oh, I doubt that. *...2....3...4...5...6...door Tom: Okay, I'll admit it. Maybe we went a little overboard just making up our own laws and forcing you to obey them Mike. Mike: Thank you. Crow: But we're still blaming you. And I think that's a fair compromise. Tom: Absolutely. Mike: Um.... Crow: Good. Well we made a lot of progress here today, and I for one think we should celebrate. Tom: Quake? Crow: You bet! Mike: Can I play? Crow: Not a chance dustbunny. Deep 13 Dr. Forrester: (typing) The Borg..... will adapt.... to..... titty-twisters. Send! Well, I see you've finished a little early. Good. You'd better rest now, Nelson, because you have no idea what's coming your way. (evil laugh) Frank: (evil laugh) Dr. Forrester and Frank: (evil laugh) Frank: So could Seven of Nine adapt to a titty-twister? Dr. Forrester: Good question Frank. Push the button and I'll explain. (pulls down movie projector) (POOOF) All Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount. All Star Wars characters are the property of Lucasfilm. THE No Restrictions War Document created by Paul Jacques H. Jr. All items related to Mystery Science Theater 3000 are property of Best Brains, Inc. MiSTing performed by Chuck Sonnenburg. All rights reserved Stinger: *** common sense it the ultimate rule *** -- Chuck http://www.sfdebris.com