Subject: [REVIEW] - Captain Warsie's Fanfic Review #3 Date: 5 Oct 2001 13:39:11 -0700 From: Doomriser_2001@hotmail.com (Doomriser_2001) Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars I know some people have been bitching about my "Logistics" category, but it fuffils a tactical and strategic realism criteria that I couldn't fit anywhere else. But the crowd is always right. So I've _started_ to remove that category from my reviews, but it will not be until at least the next review that procedure becomes standardized. Now on with the review: Captain Warsie's Fanfic Review #3 Title: Independence Author: Michael January Size (KB): 82.3 Complete: Yes Summary: A short piece of fluff suitable when you have already read more interesting titles. Apparently, January wrote this in his sleep. Quote: "Captain Jefforson Stark forced himself to his feet. He spat blood out of his mouth, and coughed as he inhaled something acrid-smelling. Around him, only half his bridge crew was alive. The bridge was filled with smoke, and sparks from a shattered console was scattering everywhere. Somebody was moaning terribly. He ignored the sound, and staggered over to the sensor console. A huge ship was bearing down on him. An ugly L-shaped monstrosity, close to five hundred meters long, and riddled with unidentifiable structures. It had appeared out of nowhere and started shooting before he could issue a single order. He had not even had time to order the shields raised. "Captain?" A weak voice from behind him. "Take over the tactical position, son. See if you can raise shields, and power up the phasers," "The tactical station reports no power available sir. The engines have been shut down." "Find power from somewhere. Anywhere." TECHNICAL ACCURACY Logistical Considerations January takes special pains to describe the deep-space supply situation of the Nebulon-B. He talks about crew food and berthing requirements. This is pretty good detail and I was pleased. 4/5 Consistency with Canon/Official This story seems to be based more on canon than official evidence, which is always good. On the other hand, he gets the damn length of the Nebulon-B wrong, stating it to be 500 m long when it is 300 according to official sources. Controversial measurements state otherwise. It is an important part of the plot, since it revolves around one ship, and the fact that it piggybacks a 300m long Federation ship at one point in the story. What the hell is January's problem with ship lengths? But it is a relatively minor infraction otherwise and I won't penalize him severely. 9/10 Fairness to the two sides There are not many battles in this story, so it is difficult to tell. Because of reasons that are spoilers, no real judgement call can be made. I found no violations though, so there is no reason to subtract marks. 5/5 Total: 18/20 WRITTEN STYLE Creativity It is not often people write about the Rebels, or single ships. Yet the situation it gets into is not particularly interesting or galaxy shattering as has been seen in other fanfics. 3/5 Plot I find it very difficult to believe the unlikely string of co-incidences that happened in Independence's journey, but I suppose I have seen worse. The purpose of this story remains unclear, except to provide some diversionary entertainment. I like the open ending, though a few more paragraphs wouldn't have hurt. Is this some kind of experiment of January's? He's wrote better stuff in the past, so I would have expected an improvement. 6.5/10 Characterization I was very displeased by the unconcerned, laid-back attitudes of the crew of the Independence considering their plight. In addition, the Fed crews are not as mad as they should be, regardless of the accidental nature of certain events. I would have been pretty damn resentful and upset if those events had happened to me, and would have had difficulty not placing at least some more blame on the Independence than the Feds did. The characters were, in addition, not very interesting. I had hope at the beginning, but there was little further character development. If this was Star Trek, it would be like the watered down episodes of The Next Generation as opposed to good old TOS. 6.5/10 Prose A slight improvement over previous efforts, less of the passive voice and more adequately explained action and character interaction. 4.5/5 Fight Scenes There aren't enough damn fight scenes. Since the story doesn't have a real purpose, bring to light few new ideas, it would have helped to add in more combat. The single combat scene, I'm sorry to say, could have been written by a Paramount Trek writer. 6/10 Total: 26.5/40 Grand total: 44.5/60 [74%] This is a Grade B Fanfic Title: Domination Author: Baron Kenneth Von Lowe Size (KB): huge, in ~ 5 parts Complete: no Link: http://www.daltonator.net/fanfics/stories/domination1.txt (additional chapters are in the Major Fanfics section of the archive) Time Period: Dominion War ST/ Summary: The original ASVS Humour series; almost as good as my own ;). Quote: TECHNICAL ACCURACY Logistical Considerations There are mentions of resupply and reinforcements, often presented comically as rewards for conduct, deserved or not. 3.5/5 Consistency with Canon/Official For a humour fanfic, Domination is satisfactorily consistent with what we determine to be appropriate sources. Some passages go against researched ASVS data, but are necessary for punch line purposes. 8/10 Fairness to the two sides Excellent. Simply excellent. While many humour fics resort to portraying the Feds as stupid weak fools, Lowe's Feds are extremely intelligent and come up with many clever plans to offset their technological weaknesses. Indeed, Lowe might be a bit too generous to the Federation, but he realizes this is necessary for an extended humour fic satirizing the common Empire vs. Federation fanfics. 5/5 Total: 16.5/20 WRITTEN STYLE Creativity Everything in the fanfic was new when it was written, and we see that many of Lowe's good ideas have been rehashed in ASVS since. 5/5 Plot The story satires the omnipresent theme of a massive Empire versus a puny Federation. The hated trolls of the group are spoofed repeatedly and are used as the basis for a number of jokes. Among the characters, there are enough double-crosses to make a graveyard. Domination is also so damn huge that it should satisfy most humour fic cravings. The jokes repeat a bit much, but the story includes romance that almost beat out Chuck's fanfics? What more can I say? 8.5/10 Characterization All of Lowe's characters are immensely interesting and fun to watch. Many of the Imperials are scheming ladder-climbers who will sacrifice life at will for gains. Domination is full of the traitors, turncoats and scum who make up a great story. There are many relatives of Lowe and many duplicate characters since Lowe killed so many denizen characters that he was forced to create new ones. TJ has been killed so many times that a Jimothy Tones character became necessary but no more spoilers there. It matters not because his TJ character is priceless. 10/10 Prose Lowe writes text that can be read quickly without the reader having to concentrate on his prose. This is done almost subtly, and I can read 40 kb of story without thinking about anything else. 5/5 Fight Scenes Lowe doesn't slack here, correctly realizing that it is the core of so many ASVS fanfics. The entire plot revolves around the insane battles that must be fought, often for political or personal motives. The fights are a bit silly, but excellent for a humour fic. There is little that is wrong here. 9.5/10 Total: 37.5/40 Grand total: 54/60 [90%] This is a Grade A+ fanfic. Title: Operation Rescue Author: Andrew Thorpe Size (KB): ~100 Complete: no [Up to chapter 9 at the point at which this fanfic was reviewed] Link: Time Period: Post-Dominion War ST? Summary: A fanfic that popped out of nowhere and a good read for combat lovers. Quote: "The pirates attempted to charge the solitary human. The lead ranks had personal shielding. It had no effect. The human crouched down on one knee, and sighted the weapon like a rifle; a bit of a handful, but doable with the bipod folded. Then there was a loud tearing noise, underpinned by a rhythmic bass rumble. The corridor with the human was brightly illuminated by the muzzle flash. Empty cartridge cases and belt links formed a pile just to the right of the weapon. The front ranks appeared to have been smashed by an unseen assailant and gave a collective moan as they fell backwards. Most fell and did not rise. A few writhed in obvious agony. The personal shielding worn by the front ranks was for energy weapons and worked by jamming the incoming beam with a completely out-of-phase equivalent signal. Against a kinetic energy projectile weapon, there was no defence. Supposedly no one used those weapons any more. Supposedly. With the initial burst, those as far as the third rank fell, although more wounded than dead. The middle ranks paused in shock, some even tripping over the dead and wounded. A mistake, and a fatal one at that. Some tried to turn in panic, but the following ranks created an awful crush. Those in the back lines could retreat, but those in front were mown down where they stood. The survivors retreated to the relative safety of their ship. "Don't you want to play any more," shouted the solitary figure, unfolding the weapons bipod. The light machinegun was placed on the floor, it's ammunition box empty. No time to reload or grab the other weapon. The carbine was unslung. Instead of emptying the magazine at the pirates hiding in their end of the ship, the grenade launcher was slid forward. A light grey coloured munition was inserted. The launcher was slid back, the weapon was aimed, and a small shape was then launched down the boarding tube corridor. The velocity was low enough to be seen on the video. A cloud of gas erupted at pirate's end of the corridor and a ragged coughing was heard." TECHNICAL ACCURACY Consistency with Canon/Official By having Imperial ships constructed by Federation expatriates or refugees or whatever, he allows himself a lot of design freedom with regard to specific "grey-areas" of Imperial starship construction since they are not exact copies. In addition, it allows him to pick and choose what elements of Imperial military doctrine he wishes to include. I especially like the way that Thorpe's personal research into the Federation has concentrated on combat data as opposed to engineering concepts, something I always like to see, considering that this newsgroup is a military V.S. Then again, there are no stunning examples of Canon/Official knowledge here. Not using all the "tools" available to him at this point will not earn full marks. And Thorpe extrapolates from known ST canon a bit much. I do have to question the effectiveness of DU and tungsten rounds on Borg vessels. 7.5/10 Fairness to the two sides Mocking the Federation's military ineptitude may not be considered fair by some, but it is treated as constructive criticism in this fanfic. Nice is the way Thorpe gets over with the usual technological comparison in a speedy and concise manner. 4.5/5 Total: 12/15 WRITTEN STYLE Creativity Thorpe has created a brand-new fanfic type, which is a Star Destroyers vs. Alpha Quadrant scenario that includes no Empire! I somehow get the impression that the author had been previously reading my works as it opens similarly to Imperial Spearhead [but then again I probably ripped off someone else] and the fic seems to be designed to pass this review. Actually, this fic was probably inspired by Conquest and IP more than anything else. Unfortunately, elements we've seen from many debates and fanfics pop up here, giving a sense of Deja Vu. Anyway, good work and good marks! 4/5 Characterization Thorpe uses comparisons somewhat, such as between species or individuals, to explain more about a character. Thorn is an interesting main character, sort of a cross between Thrawn and a Gorn, giving the name "Thorn". I'm kidding, but that should give you an idea of the character of this intelligent warrior. [The name was probably chosen due to the resemblance to the author's name/handle.] Thorn is also a very practical character and enjoys the company of another commander, Kahla. A female Klingon, she took a commission in Thorn's military after being rejected from the Klingon Academy and became Thorn's romantic interest as well as a warrior. There is plenty of other tension besides the inter-alliance struggles encountered in the fanfic, precluded even by struggles between Federation officers, all of them often in humourous scenes. In addition, every encounter between the Feds and the Fringe-world characters is priceless as we see their considerable differences highlighted. There are some very interesting character analyses of the Federation here, often extremely critical. On the other hand, though it is clearly a plot necessity, I still find it difficult to believe that Thorn would let his precious behemoths be crewed by the Feds. Very funny Jones' satirizing deserves mention here as well, as it stands out considerably in the fic. Conversely, his presence in the fic is unnecessary as far as this reviewer can tell. The violence becomes somewhat gratuitous in later chapters, a recurring element of many ASVS fanfics. Thorpe could use a few more interesting characters since Thorn does seem like a bit of a stock character in ASVS, though his personality is shown in more detail than most similar characters in other fanfics. 8.5/10 Plot A Federation breakaway group decides to mimic Star Wars Imperial technology, a fanfic concept that has been discussed but never used until now. And we are sorry that we waited! There are many fun scenes which make up this "Hey, we've got a Star Destroyer so lets go rescue Voyager" fanfic, such as Thorpe's crew fooling the Borg by pretending to be Star Wars' Imperials. [Hmm…wouldn't the Borg be able to recognize Imperials from the complete libraries they've extracted from Federation "warships"?] Not the most brilliant masterpiece, but a well-conceived, well-written adventure yarn where Thorpe avoided biting off more than he could chew. 8.5/10 Prose While obviously written by someone who concentrates on the military side of things, Andrew's prose is nevertheless descriptive and allows the story to move along unimpeded. Thorpe almost suffers from the "Shopping list" syndrome of listing various numbers, but he intersperses them with relevant detail and interesting new things, thus avoiding completely boring paragraphs. In addition, his narratives are important because some of the technology he is describing is new or heavily modified. Thorpe mentions that he is experimenting with different writing techniques. This is always good, and I barely even noticed. Really, the only other complaint I had was that sometimes passages could be a little dry. 8/10 Fight Scenes Thorpe claims to build his own SS-109 rounds, and it shows in this fanfic. What little combat we've seen at this point is extraordinary. I mean, the guy takes out Borg using reams of 20th century weaponry. There's no question that the combat is extremely enjoyable, from the deep-space to the innerspace kind. Highly recommended reading. Unfortunately, the combat becomes a bit dry by chapter 8. There are some new elements, but Andrew should take special measures to ensure that the combat does not become repetitive. However, things starting picking up again in following chapters. By coincidence, I was listening to Mars that I downloaded from Wong's site. (Wow! John Williams did a hack-job on that one!) Anyway, I found it was good to listen to Mars and read this fanfic, but this may apply to other fanfics as well. Haven't really tried it since I became emotionally traumatized from the Seven of Nine music scene in Against All Odds. 8.5/10 Total: 38.5/45 Grand total: 50.5/60 [84%] This is a Grade A- Fanfic. AWARDS WON: COMBAT EXCELLENCE AWARD RECCOMMENDED READING -Doomriser -- "If once a man indulges himself in Murder, very soon he comes to think little of Robbing, and from Robbing he comes next to Drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to Incivility and Procrastination." T. De Quincy (1785-1859) "Murder Considered As One of the Fine Arts"