From: "Grand Admiral Reid" Newsgroups: alt.startrek.vs.starwars Subject: (Hit-Man's Challenege)Lt.Hit-Man's Goes on Vacation Date: Tue, 14 Mar 2000 01:44:34 GMT Lt.Hit-Man's Goes on Vacation - A fanfic By Grand Admiral Reid ______________________________ Some things in life are bad They can really make you mad Other things just make you swear and curse When you're chewing on life's gristle, Don't grumble, give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best... And...Always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the bright side of life... If life seems jolly rotten, there's something you've forgotten And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing When you're feeling in the dumps, Don't be silly chumps. Just purse your lips and whistle. That's the thing. And...Always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the right side of life... For life is quite absurd And death's the final word. You must always face the curtain with a bow. Forget about your sin, give the audience a grin. Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow. So always look on the bright side of death. Just before you draw your terminal breath. Life's a piece of shit, When you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true. You'll see it's all a show. Keep 'em laughing as you go. Just remember that the last laugh is on you. And...Always look on the bright side of life! -------------------------------------------------------- "ISD _HIT-MAN'S BITCH_" in orbit over Earth -------------------------------------------------------- Lt.Hit-Man thumbed on his datapad, and brought up the information he had on a small desolate planet that was on the fringe of Imperial conquered territory. It was practically deserted besides some small groups of natives who lived in the caves. He saw it as the perfect place where he could relax, and be isolated from the constant ignorance that surrounded him everyday and he also saw it as the perfect place to perfect his skills without any distractions. It had been almost two years since he had gotten any shore leave, so he was quite excited about getting some time to himself. Sadly, though he could not bring his wife along, since she could never find any spare time know that she was promoted to Grand Admiral. Daala and him had been married for almost five months now and they had yet to have any quality time to themselves, or with Spike who was now four years old. Hit-Man looked up to see the door to his quarters open, and young Spike came running in followed closely by a panting Dalla. Spike came running in at full speed and leaped up onto his father's lap, knocking the air out of Hit-Man. He looked up at his wife and smiled, "I thought that he would get tired in day care, playing with all the other kids?" Spike had just returned from Earth, where they had put him in an Earth school, since they felt it would be a good place for him to learn to fight. "You would think so," she said smiling back at him, "he beat up two Klingon kids today that tried to pick a fight with him." "Really?" Hit-Man said glaring down at Spike with a cold intimidating stare, which would make Darth Vader quiver. "Spike I'm disappointed that you did not kill them, maybe I should have a talk with Lord Poe." Spike had just begun training under Poe in the ways of the force, and Hit-Man was very pleased in how quickly he was progressing. But he was tired of seeing Spike kick the shit out of the weak combat droids, and could not wait to bring him out on the battle field. "Well honey we could send him to a military controlled school like I had suggested in the first place. Maybe he will learn how to kill there," Daala said harshly towards her husband. "And like I said, I don't want him to grow up surrounded by military men. We want him to have a healthy child hood, not one where he is surrounded by a bunch of cold blooded storm troopers who wouldn't know what a child was if it was held in front of their face," Hit-Man said as he lifted Spike off his lap and flung him on top of his shoulders. Daala took Hit-Man's seat and breathed a sigh of relief. She looked over into the opposite room at Hit-Man who was tucking their adopted son into bed, "you won't believe what happened to me today." Hit-Man cut her off and peered through the door jam, "you know what hon I don't even want to hear it right now after the day I've had. How about we discuss it when I get back"? "Oh, you've finally decided where you're going to go?" Daala said rather surprised. "Yeah", he yelled from the other room, "look beside you at the datapad. I found a real gem, where I think I will have a very relaxing time." Daala reached over and glanced through the data Hit-Man had collected. But a strange look came over her face as she read over a certain part. "Do you really want to go there, with all the Borg activity in that sector?" she asked. Hit-Man shot his wife a reassuring glance, "honey don't be afraid I can handle myself, besides what are a bunch of ugly cyborgs going to do to me?" Past experiences had taught her not to argue with her husband when he was so confident about things. She walked over to her husband who now had almost finished packing his bags. Throwing her arms around him, and giving him a long kiss on the lips, she looked up at him with a warn-full eye, "just be careful honey, I know you can handle yourself." Hit-Man kissed her passionately back "you know I'll be careful I don't want this to be the last time I can do this to you." Hit-Man wrapped his arms around tightly around her, and threw her down onto the bed. "Lights," he said as he began to rip Daalas uniform off. ************* The door to Hit-Man's quarters hissed open and he gave one last wave good-bye to his wife as he headed off for a well needed vacation. A smile came across his face as he thought about how this would be the first chance he would get to take his new ship out for a spin. After he had toiled for hours modifying a TIE defender into his own, personal killing tool, yet it saddened him how he would not see it draw any blood on its maiden voyage. As Hit-Man stepped into the hallway the solitary passerby who had been walking with their head down brushed against him. Failing to recognize whom he had bumped into, the young man carried on studying the data pad. Hit-Man reached out with the force and pulled him down to the ground. The young man looked up at him with a startled look on his smug face. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" he asked in an arrogant matter. An evil grin came across Hit-Man's face as those words came out of the foolish mans mouth. "What is your name?" Hit-Man demanded. "I'm Ensign Communist. Now how about you tell me who you are before I kick your ass." Hit-Man stared at this foolish young man for a second as his rage began to build up inside of him. He could not tolerate this level of disrespect and ignorance, which this ensign showed towards him. Like any good Imperial officer, he knew there was only one solution for fools like this. With a sadistic look on his half human face Hit-Man store into the eyes of the ensign, who looked right back into his blood red eye. "Stand up ensign." Fear began to show on Communist's face as he looked away from Hit-Man, and a bead of sweat ran down his cheek. Yet, his stubbornness restrained him back from doing the right thing. He had never met this man before, and he showed no rank over him, so he could not do anything to him. Building up some courage he looked back into Hit-Man's imposing eyes, "why don't you make me," and that was one of the worst things you could say to Lt.Hit-Man. A half smile came over Hit-Man's face and he extended his arm out to the scared man on the floor. Communist did not accept his helping hand and got up to his feet by himself. This action triggered a roaring fire inside of Hit-Man. He let the arrogant prick enjoy one more second of life, before he would make the last few minutes of his life the most painful thing he could experience. Reaching out with the force Hit-Man grabbed his vocal cords and began to squeeze and bend them in every way imaginable until they finally broke. In extreme pain and unable to scream Communist fell to the ground clawing at his throat. A small crowd of people had formed, but they stood back fearing the same fate could happen to them. A large crunch echoed through the hallway when Hit-Man stomped on the poor mans balls. Even the spectators could feel the pain, and looked away in disgust as blood poured out of the bottom of the doomed mans pants. Grabbing the still conscious man by his penis, he dragged him down the hall way towards the turbo-lift. He chucked him into the turbo-lift, and positioned him so that his legs were still hanging out the door. He pressed the button for the hangar bay, and the doors slammed shut, and cut his legs off from the knees down. Communist had finally passed out when the turbo-lift came to a halt at the hangar bay. He dragged the now leg-less and almost lifeless corpse over to his ship, and stuck him inside the missile tube. Hit-Man hopped into his ship, and powered it up. A red indicator light came on that signaled there was an obstruction in the torpedo tube. Seeing this Hit-Man smiled, and almost started to laugh at the situation. He grabbed the joystick and turned the ship so that the missile tube was pointing out of the hangar bay. Flipping up the cover for the missile trigger he revealed the small red button that would send a missile up this doomed mans ass. Without any hesitation, he pressed the red button and he heard a loud bang followed by a short painful scream. As he looked out the view-port, he saw him flying out the bottom of his ship with a jet trail coming out of his ass. A couple of seconds after Communist made it out of the hangar bay one of the small point defense cannons fired on the unidentified object, and atomized the human missile. ************* The nav computer on the "The Fearmeister" beeped, signaling that he was clear of any hyperspace shadows. Hit-Man pulled back on the hyperspace lever, and the ship got sent hurtling into hyperspace. As the normal space quickly began to transist into the long white streaks of hyperspace he loosened his grip on the flight controls and got his first relaxation in a long time. Looking down at the nav computer display Hit-Man saw that it would be a long time before he reached his destination. He always had trouble sleeping in hyperspace, something about the way the ship vibrated gave him a sick feeling in his stomach that kept him awake. Closing his eyes and relaxing all his muscles Hit-Man fell into a deep mediation. The warning indicator on the nav computer beeped wildly awaking Hit-Man from his peaceful meditation. He pulled back on the hyperspace lever, and the ship exited hyperspace over his vacation spot. Expecting to see a lush tropical landscape out the viewport Hit-Man almost shit himself as he saw five Borg cubes orbit around the planet. "WHAT THE KRIFF," he yelled to himself as he pulled hard on the flight stick sending his ship into a hard banking turn away from the planet. He tapped the coordinates for Earth back into his nav computer as the ship finished the turn, but he was thrown out of his seat when the ship shook wildly. A Borg sphere that was on patrol saw his ship come out of hyperspace, and moved to intercept the small fleeing fighter. Before it could make its escape it locked its tractor beam onto it, and began pulling to towards their hangar bay. They had locked onto the small shuttle, and it tried valiantly to escape, like when a pit bull raps its strong jaws around the frail neck of its preys, and it tried to escape from its strong grip. Hit-Man wrestled with the joy stick as he tried to break free from the tractor beam. He put the engines up to maximum power, but the sphere still grew larger in the viewport. Realizing that his attempts were futile he powered down his engines and let the Borg capture him. Now he would take the fight to a battlefield that was more familiar to him. The weapons locker aboard "The Fearmeister" was very well stocked, and had more goodies then a serial killer would know what to do with. Hit-Man pulled out his two favorite weapons, his lightsaber and E-11 with a extra large power cell. "The Fearmeister" vibrated as it was brought into the hangar bay of the Borg Sphere. He could not see any activity on the deck below, "weird" he mumbled to himself. "Well this ought to get their attention," he said with a smirk on his face as he powered up his weapons systems. Gripping the laser controls tightly, he pressed down on the trigger, and green bolts lanced out and turned the wall in front of him into a molten piece of slag. He held down on the trigger and continued to pump energy into the surrounding area, totally decimating the hangar bay. "Looks like we have some guests," Hit-man said as he saw small red lasers appear out of the smoke. He grabbed his E-11, and hopped out of the top hatch. He stood on the top of "the Fearmeaister", and set up the E-11 on its tripod. He flexed his thumb on the trigger in anticipation for the slaughter that was about to take place. The last time he ran into the Borg there was many nano-probes shed, when he mercilessly slaughtered millions of Borg to save his wife. Ever since they assimilated his wife he had a bone to pick with the Borg, and if he ever saw another Borg he would give it the most painful death its cerebral net could process. Just as he saw the ugly pale white face of the mindless cyborgs, he opened fire on the dumb drones. The first bolt hit its mark right between the eye of the lead drone, and cracked his head open like a melon being hit by a sledgehammer. The headless body took two more steps forward before it fell down, and any indication that there was life left ceased to exist. Another drone walked right over the corpse of its comrade not realizing the danger until it was too late. A bolt form Hit-man's E-11 struck it right in its stomach, boiling the little flesh that was there, and turning the metal bright red. It managed too take another step forward before a subsequent shot blew its leg off, and the startled drone fell to the ground. Hit-man chuckled as the drone that just got its leg blown off lay on the ground, while the small stub it had left moved around in some weird imitation of walking. Hit-man activated his enhanced "cyber sight", and scanned the smoke in search for his next target. Just as he was about to squeeze the trigger, and turn a drone into a smoking pile of rubble he saw a bright white flash. ************* As Hit-man slowly came too he cracked his eyes open to get some sense of where he was, but he could not see anything. The last thing he remembered was that he was just about to turn a drone into a smoking crater in the ground, then the world he knew ceased to exist. He tried to reach out with the force to sense his surroundings, but he felt nothing, not even a tingle in the force. Could it be he thought to himself, that the thing he relied on the most was gone. Trying again he still could not feel anything. He could not believe this. He had lost the ability to use the force, and he was as blind as a mynock. "Something must be blocking me from using the force," he mumbled to himself. He could still fell the cold touch of his armor against his skin, so there could not be any probes attached to him that blocked him from using his powers. The last time he was around the Borg he could not sense them, but he was still able to sense his surroundings. His head was pounding as if he had just drank three bottles of Corellian whisky, and his body felt limp and cold. He tried to lift his arms, but there was something restraining them. There was complete silence in the background, aside form the odd buzz or whir, but he had a good idea where he was. "Hit-man," a woman's voice said, "you are probably wondering why you can't see." A cold hand touched his face, "how sad, look at you all tied up and helpless." The cold dry hand that was rubbing his cheek sent a shiver down Hit-mans body. "I don't believe we have met, but one word of advice you better take your hand off my face before I break it," Hit-man shouted at whoever was touching his face. "Always the tough guy Hit-man, you don't know when you are beat," the voice said with greater power this time. "I control you now." "Whoever in the Sith this is your going to fell a lot of pain in your." just as he was about to finish his sentence his sight came back. The first thing he saw was a pale female face staring at him with a large mechanical eye, and another human eye. He glanced around at the rest of the room to get his bearings, but all he could see was the roof, and out of the corner of his eye, he could see a pair of drones playing with his weapons. He was inside the main control room of a large Borg complex. From here, the Queen controlled the rest of the collective from her electronic throne. And it was here that the Borg had to relocate their military after the Empire destroyed their home world. The queen caught him looking at his weapons, walked over to them, and picked up his lightsaber. She ignited it and stared at the mesmerizing blade for a second then put it down on the examining table. Looking back over at Hit-man a smile came over her ugly face, "a crude weapon, but efficient, you killed lots of drones with it." "Yeah and in a few seconds." Before he could finish his useless threat, the Queen cut him off, "QUIET! Your threats do not scare me. You may have lived a life of being the interrogator, but know I think I'll be playing that role." The queen looked into Hit-mans half-human face, and licked his cheek. Hit-man quivered in disgust as the Borg Queen licked his face with her dry tongue. "What the hell do you want from me you kriffin bitch." The queen pressed a button on the side of Hit-mans bed and it raised to a ninety-degree angle, raising him up her height. Any normal human would be pissing their pants right now, but Hit-man did not show an ounce of fear. He knew the Borg were scared of him, and they could not assimilate him. The Queen could use all the Gestapo tactics she wanted to, but none of them could make him flinch. "I have a little surprise for you," she said as she looked up at the ceiling and her eyes blinked rapidly for a second, then she looked at him with a twisted smile on her face. Hit-man heard a hissing sound come from behind him followed by loud footsteps that came closer to him. A strange looking drone came walking awkwardly beside the queen, and looked at Hit-man with two blood red eyes. Something about this drone gave Hit-man the chills. "May I present H!tman 1 of 10," the queen said with a evil smirk on her face. "What the Kriff is this," Hit-man asked curiously about this abomination that stood in front of him. The drone just stood there staring at Hit-man with a cold look of anger in its eyes. Yet those eyes made Hit-man feel something strange. Only one other time had he felt this sensation. It was not fear. But, something else that he had not felt since the last time he was in the presence of another force user. Could it be that the Borg had managed to harness the force? In a way, it felt impossible that these abominations could use something of such beauty, and grace. The Queen walked around Hit-man and looked at him up and down. "Well its none other than your alter ego," she said. Hit-man looked at her with a look of confusion crossing his face. "Yes we have finally assimilated you, and now the Borg are even more powerful than ever before. Your puny Empire will fall under our new might. Right now we have sent ships to saturate Imperial planets with new force laden nano-probes." Hit-mans eyes flared with anger, and began to wrestle wildly to break free from his restraints. But the strong metal restraints held him back. And he could still not use the force to assist himself from breaking out of his shackles. "Are you that much of a fool Hit-man?" the Queen asked him. "Can't you see what's going on here? We are now perfect, we have the force, and are blocking you from using it." "Sure you may have the ability to use the force, but you don't have the humanity to use it. You know there's a saying on the Carrida military academy. Do you know what that is?" he asked the Queen with a twisted smirk on his face. Anyone who crossed his path knew this was the last thing they would see. "No, why don't you tell me," the Queen said with a genuine look of curiosity on her face. "Don't kriff with Hit-man," he said as the restraints around his ankles and wrists shattered into millions of tiny pieces. The Queen and H!tman looked at him like they had just seen the ghost of Darth Vader. Their carefully laid out plans suddenly fell apart, as the uncalculated happened. The drone that was probing Hit-man's light saber tried desperately to hold onto it as it got yanked out of his hands. But Hit-man ignited it sending its black blade through the stomach of the drone. And it continued forward unhindered and landed in Hit-man's awaiting hand. Just as Hit-man was about cut the Queen in half H!tman pulled out a light saber, and blocked Hit-mans powerful blow. The two blades hissed as they met in a shower of sparks, and locked together for a second while they sized each other up. The two combatants stared at each other through their glowing blades. Hit-mans emotion filled eyes stared right in the contrasting eyes of his combatants. No sign remained that there was once a human hidden under the scarred metal face of H!tman. Only one thing was on his mind, kill. Kill what ever posed a threat to the collective. And this threat was staring right at him. H!tman pushed forward sending Hit-man stumbling backwards. Hit-man managed to regain his footing just as H!tman lunged forward trying to decapitate him. He quickly side stepped to avoid the deadly blow, and H!tman tumbled uncontrollably forward from his own momentum. Hit-Man quickly used the opportunity to land a kick to the back of H!tman's head. A kick that strong would send a normal humans head into orbit, but H!tman just lurched forward a bit. "A tough little bitch eh?" Hit-man said. As H!tman turned back around to face him. The two continued too duel back and forth. Slashing low and high. neither of them could land the mortal blow. The deadlock went on as the Queen watched from a far with a maniacal look on her face. Hit-man felt as if he was fighting a mirror, as this abomination of himself blocked anything he threw at him. But he was waiting for him to make a fatal mistake, so he could land the final blow. H!tman tried to strike a quick blow to Hit-Man's thigh, but he blocked it and managed to send H!tman staggering sideways by kicking him in the side of the knee. This gave him enough time to rip a small control panel out of the wall with the force and sending it spinning right into H!tman's head. The force-assimilated drone fell to the ground as the control panel struck him in the temple. Hit-man quickly lunged forward, and with a large arcing motion he swung at the drone with the intent to chop its head off. But just as his lightsaber was coming down the drone raised his leg and caught Hit-man in the stomach. Hit-man stumbled backwards while grabbing his stomach. Now he was wishing he did not eat that Ewok stew just before he had left as it inched up his trachea. H!tman got to his feet and did a back flip over his head and landed a hard roundhouse right under his chins. The cyborg went flying two feet back, and he could feel his vertebrae crunch as he landed on the grated steel floor. He was now in the same position H!tman was in just a moment ago as he lay on the ground, and the drone charged at him wit his gray lightsaber raised high above his head, ready to dismember Hit-man. But as he came charging towards him he reached out with the force and grabbed his lightsaber, ignited it and it came tumbling towards his waiting hand. Just as H!tman was about to make him a headless corpse his lightsaber came rushing into his outstretched arm and he managed to block its swing. With a quick boot to the stomach, he knocked the bloodthirsty drone down. The two weary combatants rose to their feet and charged at each other. Yet again, their blades met in shower of sparks and they were back where they had started. Hit-man had yet to break a sweat, and the Borg showed no signs of fatigue. An equal match, and it appeared there would be no winner. But emotions would settle this fight. Anger filled Hit-man's heart, and he was about to empty out all his anger on the unsuspecting drone. H!tman tried to strike him with a large arcing swing, but Hit-man ducked under his arms and kneed him in the stomach. The dazed drone stumbled backwards and fell against a small computer cylinder that protruded from the wall. Before he could regain his bearings, Hit-man was charging at him with his lightsaber raised high above his head. Just as he was about to decapitate the drone it dodged to the right, and Hit-man tumbled forward, and his lightsaber got lodged in the wall. H!tman did a somersault and rolled over to his stranded weapon. Hit-man almost had his weapon dis-lodged from the wall, so he threw his lightsaber at the struggling cyborg before Hit-man could get it free. Hit-man caught the glint of the lightsaber in the corner of his eye and jumped up two meters in the air and grabbed on to a bunch of loose wires hanging from the ceiling. The lightsaber barely took his feet off as it went tumbling wildly into the wall. H!tman saw the cyborg pull off the amazing feet of acrobats and ran to grab his lost weapon. But Hit-man jumped right on the drones back. Yet his momentum carried him forward and he rolled into the wall. He grabbed his lightsaber, ignited it, and lunged at the drone that was slowly getting on its feet. But before he could land the final blow it dodged out of his way. This time it was not as lucky and Hit-man clipped its arm, leaving nothing but a smoking stump. While the startled drone store at the hole that marked the location of his former arm Hit-man swung his lightsaber and chopped the drones right leg off. H!tman tried to balance on its remaining leg, but fell forward. Hit-man looked at the defenseless thing as it rolled around on the ground trying to get to its feet. Its flailed its remaining two limbs trying to get a grip on something to hoist it self back up. It crawled over to the wall, and grabbed a small protrusion. But before it even managed to lift the remaining part of its body up a few centimeters it just fell back to the cold metal floor. Hit-man picked up H!tman's severed leg, and looked at the ugly thing. It absolutely disgusted him. Small probes stuck out of the pale white skin, and the veins in the leg bulged as nanoprobes flowed through them. He looked away from the hideous thing as a look of disgust, and glee crossed his face. With great hate Hit-man struck the drone with its own leg. When it impacted against H!tman's face, a large crunching noise echoed through the chamber as it crushed whatever lay beneath the scarred skin of the drone. In quick succession Hit-Man continued to beat the drone with its own severed limb. With each subsequent blow, the body became increasingly motionless as its life was slowly beaten out of it. The Queen looked on with amazement as the crazed cyborg beat her greatest creation to death with its own leg. She could feel his pain echo through the collective as all his organs were beaten into a thick paste. His bones were pounded down into fine particles, so small not even the best sensors would detect them. It saddened her in a way to see H!tman die. He was her favorite drone, but she would replace him. Yet during the ten minutes it would take to create a new H!tman she would feel what humans called sadness. She could not stand to look at the brutality that continued to unfold before her eyes. "Hit-man," she said to him from across the chamber. "Very impressive." Hit-man threw the leg aside, and slowly looked up at the Queen. "Ah if its not my favorite bitch. I though I warned you not to kriff with Hit-man?" "Always the tough guy Hit-man," the Queen replied. She did not show any signs of fear. Although she was alone with the most dangerous mortal to ever, come across this galaxy. "Always the useless threats, good thing for me I wont have to listen to them anymore," he said while igniting his lightsaber. "I'll give you a choice lightsaber or E-11 now remember you only get one of those. Or you could use your lifeline, and I'll ask someone else how they would like me to kill you." The Queen just looked at him with a cold look in her eyes without saying a word. Just as he was about to blow her head off lights flashed on all around the room. And hundreds of tiny red lasers flashed throughout the room, as hundreds of drones came online. "Have a nice life Hit-man," the Queen said as her body got hoisted up to the dark recesses of the chamber. "Well this could be fun," Hit-man said as a maniacal look came across his face. The type of look one gets when they can only think of one thing, blood. All other thoughts are tucked away in the back of their minds, love, sadness, all is forgotten. Life boils down to one point. As all other reasons for life are tossed away. Hit-man grabbed his E-11 and pointed it at the sea of Borg that was slowly stalking towards him. He gripped the huge muzzle and put pressure on the trigger. Just before he squeezed the trigger to send a hail of energy through the mob a smile cracked across his face. As he put last bit of pressure on the trigger of the E-11 it spat out dozens of bolts of energy each second. The first bolt hit a line of five drones, as the bolt blew a hole right through the stomach of the lead drone it continued right into the next drone's gut. The drones that were following directly behind them moved to the side to avoid tripping over the dead bodies. But subsequent shots turned them into piles of scrap metal and burnt flesh. Hit-man watched in glee as his opening volley chewed through the drones. As he eased of the trigger he caught a flicker of movement in his right eye, and jerked around to see a group of twenty drones coming right at him. He threw his E-11 aside and drew out his lightsaber. Just as the drones were right on top of him, he did a flip over their heads. He did not give one drone a chance to turn around before he decapitated it with one clean sweep form his lightsaber. The next drone to suffer its imminent fate had Hit-Man's lighsaber cut halfway through his torso. Then with a boot to the face Hit-Man kicked him, and sent the top part of the drone flying through the air. A courageous drone lunged at Hit-Man but he stuck his lightsaber out and it walked right into the blade. Hit-Man drew it up and split the drone in two like a knife cutting through a ripe orange. The other drones backed up in fear they may meet the same fate as their comrade. The Borg using common sense. This puzzled Hit-Man since he had never seen the Borg learn form their own mistakes. But he would teach them a new lesson. Don't back away from Hit-Man. Your going to die, and you don't want to make him go out of his way to kill you, or he may have to make your last few seconds more painful then having a Ewok give you a blow when you have Endorian honey slathered on your dick. "Who wants to be next?" Hit-man asked the drones. "No volunteers? Well I' ll have to do this the old fashioned way." When he was reading up on Earth history he came across a game kids use to play, and though this would be a great time to try it out. "Duck" Hit-man said as tapped a drone on the head, and crushed its head like an eggshell. "Duck," he touched another drone on the top of its head, and its skin began to boil as Hit-Man pumped dark powers into it. "Duck," this time Hit-Man ripped a drones legs off with the force like two anxious kids tugging on the wish bone of a thanksgiving turkey. "Goose" Hit-Man yelled as he ran at a drone and lopped its head off. More drones moved to take out the crazed cyborg. But Hit-Man saw them coming and quickly finished of the last few drones that were proving to be no fun. He rushed over to his E-11, sat back and lit up a stogie. He flipped a switch on the side of his gun to activate a special firing mode. As the drones lumbered forward SUPER dense balls of Ewok feces suddenly began to pour out of the muzzle of Hit-man's E-11. Each tiny ball erupted into a mountain of shit when it hit a drone, freezing it in its tracks. Drones were falling down left and right as the shit quickly hardened and cemented their feet to the ground. Hit-man had the techs at R&R lace the feces with a chemical that made it harden in twenty seconds. One unlucky drone swallowed one of the balls and it exploded inside of him. Shit poured out of his mouth like a tsunami. When his mouth could not handle the load, it began to pour out of his nose, ears, and the cracks between his eyeballs. But the flow began to slow down as it hardened like cement, clogging its trachea, and mouth. Hit-man eased of the trigger as the last drone was glued to the ground by the Ewok shit. He took one long puff from his stogie and a smile came across his cyborg face as he looked back to survey the carnage. Hundreds of drones were littered across the room with heaps of hardened shit pinning their bodies to the metal floor. Sadly, he did not have time to enjoy the carnage. He had to warn the Empire of the Queens plan, and the room was beginning to reek. If he did not get out of their quick, the noxious fumes would surely kill him. He had no clue what Ewoks ate, but whatever it was, it sure as hell stank. He had no clue where the Queen had gone to, but he knew he would bump into her in the future. Because he would make that happen. Anyone who pissed of Hit-Man did not survive to tell their story. Hit-man flipped up the panel on the side of his wrist, and thumbed on the small display screen. He had a small homing device installed on _the Fearmeister_ that was keyed too his bio-frequency (*note the trekno-babble), so he could locate his ship in case he was ever separated from it. The unit beeped for a few seconds while it got a lock on the ship, then a red light flashed displaying the location of the ship. It was not that far from where he was. According to the display all he had to do was go down a series of small hallways, and that would lead him right to the hangar bay. Hit-man threw his E-11 over his shoulder, and sprinted off towards the hangar bay. Leaving the destruction, he had caused behind. The corridor he was running down seemed to be deserted. The dozens of computer panel lining the walls that you would usually expect to see drones working on; constantly serving the hive. But there were none to be seen. As Hit-man rounded a corner he saw two drones out of the corner of his eye. One of the drones was on its knees while the other one was standing there with a look on his face that he had never seen on a Borg before. He slowed down, and moved in closer so he could get a better look. At first he thought that the drone was making repairs to the other, but he was disgusted by what he saw. The drone that was on its knees was sucking on the others dick, or what appeared to be its dick to Hit-man. Apparently, when the Borg assimilated people they made some minor adjustments to their reproductive organs. But these drones triggered a memory in Hit-man. When he time traveled back to Earth he met two homosexual trekkies at the Star Trek convention who could not stop performing gay fetishes on each other. And these two drones appeared to be them. Except for the fact that they had been assimilated, they remained the same. He could even see the I Love Star Trek lettering from the shirts they were wearing poking through their Borg exoskeletons. He always wondered what had happened to them after they made that miraculous escape from the Imperial prison he stuck them in. The two drones were now doing it doggy style after one of them blew his load all over the others face. Hit-man could not bear to watch, so he gave them what they would cherish forever. With the force, he fused one drones metal dick to the other drones metal ass, so they could always be in their favorite position for the rest of their lives. (Read Hit-Man's last fanfic review to get this joke :^) Hit-Man continued down the corridor towards his ship, and still there was no sign of any drones, besides the two dubs he bumped into. Could the Borg be scared? Maybe they realized Hit-Man was such a dangerous threat to them that there was no point in killing them. But the Borg had never shown any signs that they knew wasting valuable resources on an insignificant target was a bad military maneuver too them. He came to a slow halt as he rounded the last corner, and walked cautiously into the hangar bay. His jaw dropped like a horny fourteen-year old boy seeing Pamala Anderskank's clit for the first time on the Internet. "Oh Kriff," he said while looking out over a sea of drones. He slowly inched backwards, but bumped into a solid metal wall. The way he had came in was closed off, and the only exit to the hangar bay was blocked by thousands of drones. Hit-man was on top of a large ramp that led to the floor of the hangar bay. He could see his ship sitting in the middle of the hangar bay, but getting there would be hard. Hit-man did the first thing that came to his mind he whipped out his E-11 and pointed it at the crowd. But the super heated plasma bolts bounced harmlessly of their shields. He threw his E-11 aside and drew out his lightsaber. The crowd was now fifty feet away from him, and that is when he realized that any attempts to take them all down would be futile. They had adapted to his weapons, and had him backed up against a wall. With utmost concentration, he ran head on into the crowd. Yelling his battle yalp. The Borg did not stop their advance. Just before he reached the edge of the crowd, he leaped into the air. Like a bird, he flew over their heads, and his lightsaber caught any unlucky drones to be in its path. He landed right on the top of _The Fearmesiter_, and hopped into the ship through the top hatch. He started the pre flight ignition, and the ship's systems hummed to life. "Well at least they did not kriff anything up," he mumbled to himself. When the weapons systems finished powering up he flipped up the safety cover over the laser controls, and pressed down on the trigger. Any drone unlucky enough to be standing in front of the ship was instantly turned into countless sub atomic particles. The repulsorlifts came to life and the ship, levitated into the air. A dozen drones ran under the ship, but the strange gravitational forces the repulsor field created horribly bent their bodies. Hit-man began rotating the ship three hundred and sixty degrees while constantly firing the huge laser cannons. "Adapt to this," Hit-man yelled from the cockpit as hundreds of drones were vaporized in the blink of an eye. Once he had the ship's nose pointed towards the exit of the hangar bay he powered up the ion engines, and flash fried any drone within a thirty-meter radius of the engine wash. The modified Tie Defender blasted its way out of the hangar bay and shoot into the atmosphere. It sped off into the darkness of space leaving the Borg complex behind. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Bridge of "ISD_HIT-MANS BITCH" in orbit over Earth ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------ Admiral Daala blew on her Coffee before she took a long sip from it. She absolutely loved this drink that the Earthlings had introduced to them. Yet, she found it unhealthily addictive. Ever since she had her first cup, she had been drinking five cups a day. Another admiral told her about things called "cigarettes", and those would make you quit drinking coffee. But he had twenty of them a day and ten cups of coffee, so she had him spaced for lying. "Sir." a sensor officer said, but before he continue what he was going to say Daala was on top of him beating the shit out of him. After the medical droids dragged the unconscious and bloody ensign away Daala stood up and straightened out her uniform. She looked out at the bridge crew who all had shocked looks on their faces. A few of them tried to pretend like they did not notice anything unusual happen by continuing to stare at their monitors. "Now does anyone want to tell me what he was going to say?" Daala asked calmly. A courageous young man stood up. "Mamm. a Borg cube came out of transwarp but it has already been destroyed. It tried to launch a small canister but we destroyed that too just as it entered the strata." The young man fell over with a smoking crater in his back. "Idiot," Hit-man said as he walked onto the bridge. No one had noticed him come, because they were all too busy watching Daala beat on the poor ensign. "Honey your back early," Daala said rather shocked. "Yes, it turned out the planet I choose was less then ideal for a vacation spot. So I killed my travel agent and came back here." "Well could you explain to me why you." Hit-man cut her off, "of course honey just wait till dinner." ________ THE END