This was inspired by HIT-MAN's post regarding an unarmed and unarmored stormtrooper vs. a federation grunt. Enjoy! [FANFIC: LT. HIT-MAN vs. Worf] "Captain's log, Stardate 5563.23, The Enterprise is on a routine mission to chart the Killon Nebula. The ship and crew are operating at peak condition. Log End." Picard looked around the bridge of the Enterprise-E. All over, diligent, well-trained Starfleet crew members could be seen going about their tasks. Everytime he was on the bridge, he was reminded of what a honor it was to serve as Captain of the Federation's flagship. On the viewscreen, the Killion nebula could be seen. From time to time, sporadic flashes could be seen. Those were the static discharges that played so much havoc with starship sensors. "Such a droll sight, don't you think, Captain? Once you've seen one nebula, you've seen them all." Picard turned his head to correct the crew member who'd said that comment. Upon seeing the person's face, Picard was suddenly filled with anger and indignation. "Q, what the hell do you think you're doing on my ship?!?" The maloevent entinity known as Q grinned. "I am here, mon Captiane, because it's time for another one of those marvelous tests." "Q, We are *not* your playthings!" Q's face took on an almost pained look as he replied. "On the contrary, this is not of my doing. I am merely the messenger boy." Q took a quick look around the bridge, then spoke. "Ah, I belive they'll be good, even that Klingon Oaf, Woof." At that comment, Worf snarled at Q, and bared his teeth. However, before he could reply, he, along with Picard, disappeared off the bridge of the Enterprise-E. The noise level was deafening. Picard, Worf, and a dozen security guards clapped their hands to their ears. The place they'd appeared in was a dank, smoke-filled arena, with a roped-off raised platform in the center. In the stands surrounding the platform was an indescribable variety of alien species, all jabbering in their own languages, and waving various appendages. Suddenly, Picard noticed human faces in the crowd. They were in unfamilar uniforms that reminded him of Cardassian ones, and they looked....intimidating. Before he could look closer, Q snapped his fingers and disappeared, along with Lt. Elliot, and a human from the opposite side of the arena. A second later, the three figures reappeared in the platform's center. Q was no longer looking like his normal self. He was now black and had a strange hairstyle that closely approximated the effect you got when you stuck your tongue into a EPS outlet. Suddenly Q/Don King gestured towards the strange human and spoke. At the sound of his voice, the entire arena became silent. "In this corner, we have Lieutenant HIT-MAN, of the Imperial Navy, weighing in at 235 pounds!" Picard and the others had gotten to ringside by then. It appeared that Q was trying to recreate a old 20th-Century boxing match. Now that he was closer, Picard could take a better look at the other contender. He was heavily muscled, and had a cybernetic right arm, along with a robotic left eye. In short, not a person you'd want to run in in a dark alley. "And the Challenger, Lieutenant Elliot of Starfleet, weighing in at 178 pounds!" Q then paused. "Now, gentlemen. The rules of the fight... are to knock out your opponent before he knocks you out. Now, let us begin!" Suddenly Worf jumped ringside and shouted, "This is not honorable! To pit such a heavily enhanced person against a non-enhanced one would result in a one-sided fight!" Q/Don King stood there, frozen. "Well, It appears that Woof may have a point there, for once. Wait a sec, while I go check with MKS. With that, Q/Don King vanished in a flash. "Sir, Who is this MKS?" asked one of the security guards. "Well, Lieutenant, it appears he's the one running the fight, and he apparently has gotten Q to do his bidding. I can't even begin to imagine how powerful he is to do *that*," replied Picard. As suddenly as he'd disappeared, Q/Don King reappeared. "Well, apparently MKS has agreed with you, Woof. We will substitute another contender in HIT-MAN's place. Admiral Sheppard, who do you choose?" The human who had the most bars on his uniform spoke. "Well, then Q, I pick Commander Yates to be our representative." "Very well." HIT-MAN disappeared in a flash of light, to be replaced by another human wearing the same uniform. Out of the corner of his eye, Picard noticed that HIT-MAN had reappeared next to the strange humans. "Now, As our new Defending champion, we have Commander Nathan 'Enforcer' Yates, weighing in at 187 pounds!" Q/Don King took a deep breath. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Let's get ready to RRUUUMMMMBBBBLLLEEEE!" With that, the noise of a bell reverberated throughout the arena. As soon as the bell sounded, the two contestants began to circle the ring, seeking openings. Elliot was first, throwing a right that Yates easily evaded. Yates then kicked Elliot in the groin with such force, he instantly bent over, groaning in pain. Yates then began to land blows with his feet as Elliot lay writhing on the mat. Worf suddenly exploded, yelling "This is not honorable, prepare to die, you honorless sons of dogs!" With that, Worf vaulted into the ring, and began to make a beeline towards Yates. Suddenly, without warning, Worf's world went dark. Picard couldn't believe it. HIT-MAN was standing over Worf, holding the fold-up chair he'd used to cold-cock Worf with. It now bore a sizeable dent where it had impacted with Worf's noggin. This charade had gone on long enough. It was time to settle this once and for all. Picard whipped out his Phaser and shot one of the strange humans, who immediately collapsed. "Return Fire!" shouted the other group's leader, Admiral Sheppard. The order was moot, since they'd already pulled out their blasters the moment HIT-MAN had cold-cocked that Alien scum. The arena immediately erupted into a conflagration of weapons fire. The high-pitched whine of phasers mixed with the ssss-ZAP of blasters. Q/Don King dropped to the floor, to avoid most of the weapons fire, since due to MKS' intervention the moment the shooting started, he'd lost his powers, so he was forced to cower on the floor like a ordinary mortal. Finally, the weapons fire ceased. Out of the smoke surrounding the arena strode several figures. "Pathetic fools. Their puny weapons were no match for our blasters." retorted HIT-MAN. All around the arena were the scattered bodies of the Starfleet group, mixed in with a few dead Imperial soldiers. Admiral Sheppard walked over to Q/DK, who was still cowering on the floor, and manhandled him up. "Q, It's over. You can stop squrming and acting like a coward. Now, we'd like to get back to our regularly scheduled installment of Imperial Phoenix, so send us back, or die." "OK, OK, just don't hurt me." At that moment, Q felt his powers returning. Apparently the mysterious MKS had seen fit to give him his powers back just now. The Imperials disappeared in a flash of light, leaving behind the still-smoking bodies of Picard and the security officers. What do you think? I stole the chair bit from a WWF match I saw when I was a kid, the one where the Undertaker made his first appearance. He chased a guy out of the Arena with a fold-up chair in his hands, disqualifying himself. :) ----------------------------------------------- "We could find no leadership qualities in him" --German Officer explaining why Hitler never rose above the rank of Corporal.