Louis Cypher was an unfortunate
individual who chanced upon the group
and immediately filled it with cries of "Nerds!",
"Virgins!" and "Get a life".
In response, Talon Karrde decided to resurrect the TGOD thread
for a
special edition. At the bottom is the best contribution .
Take one grid of incredibly sharp wires and
accelerate at high speed
through target's body. Allow 1 (one) minute for body parts now
shaped as
squares to fall away and remove.
Jonathan Boyd
Too quick. You need to take a scalpel and
make 1000 tiny cuts all over his
body. Then you dip him in a vat of salt and vinegar. After that
(if he has
not died of pain and/or shock) you slowly cut open his belly and
let his
intestines hang out then you nail him to a cross and let the
crows fininsh
him off.
Jonathan Pierce
Cypher opens his eyes and sees he's at the
bottom of a deep pit. Standing at the top is Riker,
Data, the Doctor, and Khan. Riker smiles down at him.
"You'll notice a small device attached to the side of your
scalp."
Cypher feels a small round object. In vain he tries to tug it
out.
"No good," Riker responds, "it's fused to your
skull. It can't be
removed."
In panic, Cypher looks up. "What is this? What are you nerds
doing?"
The Doctor rolls his eyes. "It's a blood oxygenator. It'll
separate the carbon dioxide
in your blood back into oxygen, so you'll never need to breathe.
And it's powered off
your cellular metabolism, so it will keep running forever."
Data wrinkles his forehead. "Doctor, what about
thermodynamics. Have you(bzzz)"
Data falls over as Riker flips his off switch.
"Thank you."
Cypher is terrified now. "What are you doing to me?"
Kahn gives an evil grin. "You wanted us all to get a life.
We decided to give you one. Eternal life.
heh heh heh. There will be four hundred cubic meters of dirt
coming in that hole in just moments,
too much for you to even move. And that is how you will spend
your life." His voice drops to a whisper.
"Buried alive......buried alive....."
Cypher, in rage, screams, "NEEEEERRRDDDDSSS!!!" as he
is covered up in dirt, to remain in the
pit...forever.
The End.
Don't you love a happy ending?
Chuck Sonnenburg