Troll Name: mike3 AKA IFD (Ignorant Fucktard Disciple) AKA Mike Throll AKA Horsemolester
Troll Type: Really Persistent Come-and-Go Idiot
Notable Quote: "The horse is now led to water but he will not drink, he will never drink, he will never quench his thirst."
Flame Warrior Type: Filibuster, Ferrous Cranus, Stone Deaf, Palooka, Crybaby, Tireless Rebutter, Weenie, Net Rat, Sycophant (DarkStar)
Signature Moves: Creating endless new threads that do nothing but repeat DarkStar's Magical Chain Reaction (MCR) theory ad infinitum; Overusing tired old cliches; Reaffirming his unwavering belief that he is right and everyone else is wrong; Declaring his intentions of leaving then starting two or three new threads; Saying he has had enough then restating his theory again and again; Censoring insults against him; Deliberately misspelling Alderaan as "Alder Aan".
Notable Accomplishments: Plonking Chuck; Managing to irritate Graeme Dice to such a degree that Graeme flamed him multiple times (see below); Earning the hatred and revile of every single other newsgroup he's ever been on (see below); Somehow managing to grow mold on his brain.
Websites of Interest: Master of Ossus utterly destroys the MCR theory
Contributors to this entry: Rob Wilson (Nickname)
Description:
- Rob says: mike3 is, perhaps, one of the most persistent and irritating brats on this list. The only thing he's been doing is supporting and rather...emphatically...defending DarkStar's pet theory as to how Alderaan was destroyed by the Death Star (not to mention refusing to use any canon policy except DarkStar's). The most commonly-held explanation is "DET", Direct Energy Transfer, meaning that the Death Star put out enough energy on its own, 1e38J, to cause Alderaan to go boom; the other, more crackpot, theory is MCR, or Magical Chain Reaction, which essentially says that somehow the Death Star's superlaser causes a magical chain reaction that both needs less energy to initiate and explains all the unknowns in DET, yet it's never been shown how this is so.
- He also has a propensity for using and abusing in a Timsulting manner the cliché "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" at every opportunity to describe every single person who won't capitulate to his theory (yet, oddly enough, says that we "all have our own opinions"). mike3 has also decided that all the arguments he has been involved in on ASVS are either wins for him or draws, and states in the latter cases that neither side is right nor wrong. He'll also ignore evidence that damages his claims, or attempt to discount it, then accuse his opponents of doing the same. He is, in essence, a stupid, blockheaded spoiled brat who's afraid to admit when he's wrong and assumes that he knows better than people that actually have degrees in physics.
- In recent news, mike3 has run crying to Spacebattles for help with his anti-EU arguments. He's also made his "final" goodbye post again, and that was about 65 of his posts ago as of this writing.
- UPDATE 5/10/05: As it turns out, mike3 might actually be Timothy Jones! See Tim's entry for more.
- Chuck says: For every stupid asshole on the Internet, odds are there's an even stupider
asshole willing to follow him. In this case, we have mike3, aka
horsemolester. Mike3 arrived on ASVS talking about punching balls of dry,
loose sand (how exactly you could make a ball of loose dry sand is not
explained; then again, *why* you would want to is not explained either) as a
means of disproving the power of the Superlaser. He was, in fact,
regurgitating Scooter's Mysterious Chain Reaction (MCR) theory, an idea so
ad hoc it comes out the other side in the realm of minus hoc. The original
hocker tried debating Mike Wong on the subject and managed to put all sides
to sleep (Scooter's debates make C-SPAN seem like the Spice Channel.), and
failed to convince anyone with a functioning brain that MCR was superior to
"DET" (Scooter's special name for that fringe bit of science known as
thermodynamics). Fortunately that didn't rule mike3 out and we got a chance
to watch him try to breathe life into this dead horse.
- Mike3 has a primitive debating method that operates on a two-pronged
approach. One is to start a new thread every time he starts losing
somewhere else. The other is to put his opinion in all caps, to draw upon
the sheer power of those uppercase letters to prop up an argument that's
about as strong as Enterprise's ratings. These are both to compensate for
the fact that he clearly has no critical thinking skills and is just
rehashing stuff off of Scooter's website. This explains his love affair
with straw man arguments; you can't swing a possibly dead Schroedinger's cat
without hitting the field generated by one of his straw men. That's usually
a sign he's about to a) start a new thread, or b) whine. Mike3 also has
whining down to a science. Spoiled eight year olds take pilgrimages to his
house every year to honor his finely-honed whine. NASA scientists use his
whine to calibrate their instruments. In fact, it turns out that if you
whine, you have to pay mike3 a royalty on it.
- The funniest thing about mike3 is that his real arguments are so stupid, his
intentionally stupid arguments sound the same. He has, in fact, mastered
self-parody. If you every felt the urge to watch someone self-immolate but
don't like the smell of burnt hair, I highly recommend watching a mike3
debate.
Fighting the Troll: Graeme Dice
-
mike3 wrote:
> "C.S.Strowbridge" <csstrowbridge@shaw.ca> wrote in message
> news:Xns95397765E5FECnobodyhomecom@24.64.223.211...
<snip>
> That means that your theory, "DET", is weak without the EU material.
NO IT DOESN'T! Thermodynamics is not "weak". It's the most basic way
of understanding the transfer of energy.
> The first-hand observations, which is what I'm debating, give the
> final answer.
You are not debating first-hand observations. You are debating your
interpretation of what the first-hand observations show.
> The EU is like a history book -- a recording of someone's
> observations. History books are not truly accurate. Only a direct
> observation of the events (which is what the movies allow one to do)
> will give the true answer.
Incorrect. The EU is a primary source, as per the rules of Lucasfilm's
canon policy.
> Then how does one interpret the canon? You seem to say that the
> interpretation of canon must agree with EU.
Yes. That is exactly correct. The interpretation of canon must agree
with the EU unless there is a direct and irreconcilible contradiction.
Note that this contradiction is not something as vague and tenuous as
your magical chain reaction. It would be something like claiming that
Chewbacca had fluorescent pink fur.
> If the EU is like a history book, then you're saying
> that if you had a film of an event (the "canon"), your interpretation must
> agree with the history book, which may or may not be accurate.
The EU is not a history book. It is a recording of the events themselves.
> But this isn't the case: you have to use the theory that makes the most sense
> with the film, and not necessarily the history book.
We _are_ using that theory. You're the one who is pretending that the
Death Star uses magic.
> The very fact that you call upon the EU to support the DET
> theory means that without the EU, the theory is moot.
Bullshit. The theory stands completely alone, as we've shown you over a
dozen times now. It's not our fault that you aren't capable of the most
basic understanding of the scientific method.
> So you say that the EU must equal the Movies, but this DOES NOT HAVE TO BE
> THE CASE: the EU authors (ie. the writers of the history book) may have seen
> the movies (ie. the film of the event), drew their own conclusions, and penned
> them into the EU, ie. the history book.
Except of course, that Lucasfilm's canon policy doesn't agree with you.
> Because a film of an event overrides the history book, then your
> interpretation of said film need not agree with the history book -- if it
> can be proven well, then the history book is wrong.
The EU is not a history book. It is a recording of the actual events as
they happened.
> The very fact that you have to resort to the innately obscure history book
> seems to indicate that the DET theory is very weak without it.
WE DON'T HAVE TO RESORT TO THE EU SINCE YOUR THEORY CAN'T EVEN MAKE THE
MOST BASIC PREDICTIONS ABOUT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ALDERAAN. YOU'RE
THEORY IS THE EQUIVALENT OF SAYING THAT MAGICAL LITTLE FAIRY ELVES BLEW
UP THE PLANET.
> Remember Cerasi's "foggy windows"?:
Yes, I do. That quote has been further explained by more recent ones
that indicate that all EU material is canon.
> The "nugget of truth" is the part that would agree with the actual event,
> the film.
Please stop quoting Darkstar. He isn't willing to use Lucasfilm's canon
policy, and he is therefore ignored.
> In a way, you have it turned around: you are saying that the movie is the
> foggy window, and the EU is the clear outside observation.
I've snipped the rest of your complete bullshit where you continue to do
nothing more than throw up red herrings and pretend that they are evidence.
Fighting the Troll: Chuck
-
Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Join me, won't you, in a little journey into
the dark, soulless life of our latest flamebait. How did this journey
happen? Actually, it started as a slight bit of off the group research; we
were discussing whether these antics were unintentionally foolish or
fiendishly constructed. In other words, is he a very stupid Trekkie or a
very smart troll. After some research into the subject, I've determined
it's more than likely the former (indeed, I discovered that the people on
sci.math were asking themselves precisely the same question: "It's so hard
to decide: Are you actually stupid or just pretending to be stupid for
fun?"). Let's take a look at our subject at his best:
"mike3" <mike4ty4@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:vV9Vc.1576$i77.513@news01.roc.ny...
> Is this an elaborate way of saying I'm stupid? If so, I'm not stupid, bitch.
Now now, anger is the path to the dark side... you little shit.
> PROVEN scientific FACT supercedes the EU. The laws of motion and
> energy are PROVEN FACT.
Well, gentle readers, I'm afraid the only proven fact is that mike3 is a
goddamn idiot. sci.math thinks it, rec.games.roguelike.adom, sci.physics,
talk.origins, alt.tv.stargate-sg1... In fact, he seems to piss off everyone
he crosses paths with. RGRA, in fact, made him the star of an ASCII art
comic series. What? Yes, that's right, our own Mike3 starred in not one,
but a huge series of arts titled Mike Throll (Three + Troll = Throll). Why
not check it out?
http://grue.freeservers.com/
It seems almost universally agreed that he's a waste of time; a clueless,
lazy, imbecile. This may look like a lot of work, but believe it or not,
all it takes is putting "mike3" and words like "idiot," "moron," "stupid,"
"troll," etc, and google will ring up like you've won the lottery. It is,
honestly, a hilarious mixture of either a) righteous fury, or b) barely
restrained tolerance.
"'mike3' is either a troll or a hopeless idiot; either way, the best way to
deal with him/it is to add to kill-file and forget." -ats-s
"You are in my killfile, because you have repeatedly posted without reading
what has come before, touting the obvious as grand new observations, and
generally exhibiting a large amount of general cluelessness." -rgra
"Hey Mike3 you idiot, read the entire thread before interjecting your
stupidity.
But I guess that is your problem... reading." -sci.math
"You deserved to be called stupid. After all, *you're* the one who's
MISusing a term, NOT knowing what it means and after that, STILL acting
like a complete moron. Y'know, those two lines of 90% capsed text sound
just like my three-year-old niece's screaming after I took the remote
control away from her." -rgra
"Ah, fuck it. There's no use trying to teach someone whose shoe size
exceeds his IQ." -rgra
"Could you shut up and go away you ignorant stupid turd?" -sci.math
"The fact that you would find out about this thing when it is so
old and then post a warning to everyone on several newsgroups,
*actually thinking you are helping them* is proof enough that,
whilst your intentions may be good, you know very little about
netiquette and computer use in general. You are going into my
killfile, since I don't care to waste my time reading crap like
this." -rgra
"It's a tough case. If you're not just pretending then it's
hilarious the way you confirm your stupidity over and over
with each thing you say. If you _are_ just pretending for
laughs then you got me good, congratulations." -sci.math
"Do you know that by showing how stupid our species can be, you are hurting
our feelings?" -rgra
"What part of "NO" don't you understand?!!!
It doesn't matter if a troll doesn't have ears to hear, you have eyes to
read (yes, even trolls have "literacy" skills). You are done, Mike3. You no
longer exist.
Talk to you later when you reach puberty."
"God in heaven, you are a moron. TB NEVER ANSWERS *ANYONE'S* E-MAILS, YOU
MISERABLE WASTE OF FLESH, BLOOD, AND BONE! HE GETS TOO MUCH MAIL TO BOTHER
REPLYING, AND SENDING HIM MAIL TWICE JUST FURTHER CLOGS UP HIS MAILBOX WITH
USELESS CRAP HE DOESN'T NEED TO BE DEALING WITH!
>BTW, why do all of you phreaks go and hurt an
>11-year old child's (me) feelings so deeply? Do you not respect
>children?
Oh hoh. Hurt your feelings... your poor, poor child. I am SO sorry to have
damaged your self-esteem. I'm sure that you'll never recover. No, wait,
I'm not. There are often people who like to compare themselves to animals...
I've always thought of myself as being somewhat cat-like. And now that I think
of it, you're a lot like a lemming. With a brain the size of a peanut, if it is
even existent, you march cheerfully, with a stupid little grin on your face,
straight to the sea. And you taste that saltwater, and think to yourself, "My!
How yummy that is! I think I shall walk in some more and drown in this delicious
liquid refreshment!" And so you march, and the waves get higher.
Only, I'm afraid that the metaphor fails here, as you have yet to drown. Which
is truly a great pity, as your transformation to a bloated corpse would
considerably reduce your general level of annoyance to TB and the various
posters of this newsgroup.
I don't CARE about your feelings, you miserable little pissant, because you
have shown no effort whatsoever to care about anyone else's feelings,
despite the great laxness that has been shown towards you.
In conclusion: Go self-procreate with a giant rusty fishhook, get the tool
lodged firmly up your anus, and die screaming in agony.
You have a nice day, now.
[...]
There gets a point when you need to just spank the damn kid to teach him
some manners." -rgra
"He is simply a troll of a slightly subtle 'wide eyed innocent' variety,
who feigns ignorance and imbecility, and then naive bewilderment when
people lose patience with him." -sci.math
"You're not smart enough to pretend to be this stupid." -sci.math
"At any rate, he's admitted (even if he thinks he
hasn't) that money is not the reason he won't go to
the library.
That leaves a phobia against learning as the only
remaining explanation." -sci.math
Well, friends, I'm afraid that's all I have to offer at the moment. At the
very least, we have a new nickname for our flamebait to go with the dozens
of others we've come up with.
--
Chuck
Join the revolution http://www.keepitcoming.net/galactic-revolution.html